Are Women Who Leave Cheating Mates Weak?
Every once in awhile, we all may find ourselves in search of answers, especially when it comes to relationships.
And while Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta may not be the first place to go, during an interview with Bleu Bombshell, Tammy Rivera has opted to share her thoughts on women who leave their husbands after cheating. She also addresses why she chose to forgive husband and rapper Waka Flocka Flame:
I think in today’s society everything is so disposable. Times are not the same, women nowadays you know they say, “Oh let me just do this, I can go out and find me another man, n***as aint nothing.” You know, all of that, and I get it. But then on the other side you have men who aren’t growing up with fathers, not making excuses for men to cheat, but you have men who never seen what a household is supposed to look like – my husband was never in a married household. He didn’t know.
While Tammy’s mode of thinking isn’t the usual, “Girl, kick him to the curb!” “Drop that zero and get you a hero” rhetoric that we often hear when it comes to infidelity, I must say she may have a point. Often, individuals are influenced by their environment, and parental relationships can certainly influence one’s outlook on life. But I am still not convinced that Rivera still isn’t making an excuse for her man’s infidelity.
Here’s what else she had to say on the subject.
“…Everyone has the same problems, no one on earth has never had someone who hurt them or who has had financial problems, who haven’t had infidelity problems. You know, it’s life. You go through all kinds of things in life. So when you do open up you have people who’ll be able to say, “Oh she’s stupid, she’s dumb, or he’s dumb, or he’s a cheater, you know.” The pros that I would say on the flip side of that are those people who understand, and who are mature enough to understand that this is the world we live in, and we are grown people we are not judgmental. […]
His mom was a hustler, you know what I’m saying, she was out in the streets she was the mom and the dad. He doesn’t know—he grew up in the industry. He had early stardom with his career, I think Waka was in his early 20s, mid 20s when he dropped his first hit. So you have all these groupies, you have all these things but despite all of that, behind closed doors, this man loves me to death and I know he loves my child to death. He does anything for us. So, my mom always told me, “You can find a man who can financially take care of you, you can find a man who might not be a cheater, might have it all together, might of grew up with a father in their household, but it’s hard to find real love and a person who genuinely loves you and who is willing to change.” My husband was willing to change for his family. So why would I give up on my husband? I’m not that type, I think that’s weak of a woman to do that. It’s easier to walk away as opposed to speaking up! No we’re going to fight for this we got married. My family is worth fighting for.
While I’ve never been married, I can honestly say that I do know for a fact that relationships take a lot of work. There will be obstacles and flaws and all types of roadblocks that will stand in the way of your love. And for the most part, these challenges will serve as tests to determine just how strong your bond is after saying, “I do.” And that is how I interpreted Tammy’s remarks.
But that doesn’t negate the fact that some things you cannot recover from. To say that a woman is “weak” for walking away from a man who constantly cheats is just wrong on all levels. Not only does it promote the acceptance of broken vows, but it shifts the blame on women as if it is somehow their fault for choosing better for herself. Sometimes an exit is “speaking up.” Sometimes walking away is “strength.”
You know what else Tammy’s philosophy on marriage and infidelity does? It completely absolves the man of any control or responsibility. When was he “weak?” Does he not have any type of obligation to be a man of his word? I’m sorry Tammy, for some women love is simply not enough.
By no means am I saying that all women—or men for that matter—should leave their significant other due to infidelity 100 percent of the time. Like life, love isn’t that cut and dry. In fact, I dedicated an entire EBONY.com article to the subject, particularly arguing why you should stay after infidelity. But what I am advocating for is a woman’s choice to think for herself and to do what she feels is right for not just her relationship, but for her heart.
Tammy, I encourage you to continue to do what works for you and your family, but please…don’t diss other women for doing the same.
Photo: Tammy Rivera Twitter
Shantell E. Jamison is a digital editor for EBONY.com and JETMAG.com. Her book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction” is available on Amazon. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter @Shantell_em and Instagram @Shantell_em.