Talk Back

Who Really Wins When Women Fight Over Men?

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Last week, I saw something that disturbed me.

I saw two young, attractive women fighting over an old washed-up, b-list rapper.

Now, this is no regular, petty, eye-rolling “Hey, I saw him first” femme fatale feud. The battle between these two ladies got so intense, that they both had just had babies by this guy.

To be clear, I know this is America and we Americans, well, we love a good competition. But ladies, if you ever have to fight over a man, you’ve already lost.

Why? Well, firstly, men don’t get confused. By that I mean, you don’t see men stopping you in the department store, asking you if something makes their butt look big, do you?  No. And do you know why?  Because men don’t agonize over what they want; they see, they like, they buy.  The end.  And as quiet as it’s kept, men do the same thing with women all the time. They see, they like, they buy and if he hasn’t bought, well, then that means he doesn’t “like.”

So do you know what it means when a man keeps going back and forth between you and someone else without ever picking somebody?

It means he doesn’t really love either one of y’all. He’s just biding his time until the woman he truly wants comes along. And I suppose you could try all types of tricks and schemes to beat out another woman for his affection, but I’m pretty sure that when a man’s locked in, you really don’t have to do anything but be your naturally amazing self to make sure he stays that way.

Now, let be clear, I’m not here to judge; I’m here to empower.  I don’t like to see women making fools of themselves or wasting their pretty years unnecessarily, so I think it’s important to point out that fighting with another woman will never solve the problem of a man who won’t make up his mind.  If he isn’t willing to commit, move on.  Trust me.

And let me tell you something else. Men commit to women out of fear. Why do I say that? Because when a guy loves you, he’s sort of afraid to lose you.  And if he fears losing you, he won’t intentionally do anything (or anyone) that would cause you to walk away.  He can literally stroll past dozens of women on the street who look just as good as you, but never seriously entertain the notion of being with any of them because he’s too afraid of what life would be like without you. He’ll even give up the coveted bachelor lifestyle and become a doting family man if it means keeping you around. That’s what fear will do for a man in love. Imagine for a second though, what would happen if there was no fear.

What sorts of things do you think a man would try to get away with if he didn’t care about driving a woman away?  How would he behave, if he knew she’d always be there? He might do something awful, like getting two women pregnant at the same time.  He may just keep going back and forth between several women without ever committing to anyone, especially if he knows you all weren’t going to do anything except get mad with one another.

So if he’s not afraid of losing you and he refuses to pick you, it was already time to go. Don’t stay there and fight a woman, that’s a trap. It’s also a colossal waste of time. I advise you to pick your dignity up off of the floor and move forward.

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