Talk Back

Talk Back: Book Excerpt, ‘Yours & Mine’

JET wants you to Talk Back. This is one of the reader submissions that we received and opted to publish. Want to make your voice heard? Submit your commentary, TV show recap, poem, or essay HERE.  Read all the rules  so you know how it works.

Chapter Six: You’re Married, Now What?

Congratulations! You’ve stopped doubting yourself on whether this is Mr. or Mrs. Right for you. You’ve also made it past your son’s or daughter’s attempts to convince you that you shouldn’t marry your beloved man or woman, whether it was because your daughter didn’t like her hair color or your son thought he looked “mean.”

Yes, it was rocky for a while, but your children have met his children; you’ve met your new in-laws and you have assured your ex-husband that your new husband is not trying to replace him as your children’s father. Or maybe your ex-wife, who normally does not talk to you, has become very chummy and has started calling you once a week for one reason or another.

Now what? Have you thought about where you will ultimately live together as a family? When [1] married [my husband], my condo was slightly bigger than his, and my daughter was already enrolled in high school, so moving made no sense for us. His son (now our son) lived on his own, so we did not have to worry about having a bedroom for him except during his visits. His daughter (my new daughter) lived with her mother, so we could stay where we were for awhile. The only problem was that my place was not large enough to accommodate all six of us when we were together. And, how do you call yourself a family when there is not enough living space for all of you? Years ago, I remember a family where the father had an adolescent daughter and married a woman who had three kids. They moved into a house that had enough bedrooms for everyone but the daughter. So she had to live with her great-grandmother. He explained that his daughter didn’t really fit into his new family, and her life deteriorated quickly. Not being accepted as a member of his new family did a lot to ruin her self-esteem. I certainly didn’t want that to happen in my new family.

Looking for a home together made sense not just because we wanted rooms for those who lived elsewhere. It was also important because it gave us a location that was neutral for both families. Even though most kids are naturally territorial, we felt our children couldn’t be as territorial in a new place because none of us had occupied it before.

C. Lynn Williams is an award-winning author, speaker and parent coach. She holds a Masters in Business Administration and has taught high school aged students as well as adults. In addition to teaching and writing, Ms. Williams is a community activist, health enthusiast, avid reader and gardener. Visit C. Lynn’s website, for more info.