Talk Back

IF He Is On His 3rd Baby Mama…

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Ladies, can we have a quick chat?

Now, I’m not a betting woman, but if I were, I’d always bet on myself.  That means that if I were presented with a challenge, I think I’m smart enough, capable enough and generally amazing enough to handle it.  So, if I had to bet on who would come out on top, the challenge or me, I’m betting on myself every single time.

But even a woman who bets on herself has to know her limits.

As an example, let’s just say I’m dating a man who has a history of infidelity, duplicity or some other general form of deceit.  I suppose I could bet that I’m so amazing and so awe-inspiring and so awesome that I’m the woman to get him to act right, but I just don’t like those odds.  If a lying philander is out here cheating on all of the women he’s dated, there’s a good chance that he’s cheating on the amazing women, too.  And it would be just a little silly of me to think that if he cheated on every woman he dated before me, he would somehow magically stop the cheating once he and I got together.

With that in mind, I almost had to chuckle when I read that singer Ciara is suing her son’s father, rapper, Future for 15 million dollars for bad-mouthing her in the media during their ongoing custody saga.  Now, Future already had three children, by three different women—none of which he’d ever married, before he got with Ciara. I’m really curious about what exactly Ciara thought would be different when she got pregnant with baby number four.

She had to realize upfront that Future’s chronically potent AND he’s chronically non-committal.  But I’m guessing (because remember I don’t bet), she probably realized those things about him and saw them as a “challenge” instead of red flags.

Ciara probably evaluated Future’s track record and weighed it against the fact that she was a highly desirable young woman herself, and the fact that she & Future shared a special connection.  She decided to bet on herself beating the odds that her relationship would work out.  But, let’s be honest, if he had that many children with that many different people, he’s clearly the master of “special” connections.  And, yes, Ciara’s a beautiful woman, but again, realistically speaking, she’s not the only game in town.

Without having seen any of them, I’m thinking at least one (if not all) of the three other women are also beautiful; an attribute that clearly doesn’t hold Future’s attention.  But Ciara still decided to bet on herself despite the virtually insurmountable odds that Future would commit.  Now, she’s suing him for doing what he has, in essence, always done: getting someone pregnant, leaving the mother and creating a messy aftermath.

Ladies, let me be completely clear. I’m neither blaming nor am I condemning Ciara or any other woman who may find herself in a similar circumstance, because I’m keenly aware of two very important facts.  Fact number one is that men sell dreams like an aspiring rapper on the corner pushing his brand new mixtape.  Fact number two is that many, if not all, of us have been sold this myth about the “different” girl.  You know, the one that says a man will continue to play the field until he stumbles upon the girl who’s different from all of the rest?  This different girl will be able to use her magical “different” powers to get a confirmed bachelor to change his ways. Well, ladies, I’d just like to submit to you that many times, it’s not the woman who needs to be “different.” It’s the man who needs to grow up.

The sooner we realize this, the better.  It will free us up from taking on Vegas-like odds, hoping against hope that the “house won’t win.” Because the reality is that if you hang with nine broke fools, you’re very likely to become the 10th. And if you’re dating man who’s on his third baby’s mother, you’re quite likely to become the fourth.

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