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Reclaiming Black Female Sexuality

JET wants you to Talk Back. This is one of the reader submissions that we received and opted to publish. Want to make your voice heard? Submit your commentary, TV show recap, poem, or essay HERE.  Read all the rules so you know how it works.

“Blac Chyna is not a hoe. She is a Black woman who has full control of her sexuality in a world that thinks it owns Black women’s bodies. If Khloe can have a husband and two boyfriends, and Kim can date every genre of entertainer and both are still idols, then Chyna is Nefertiti. If a Black woman sneezes seductively, she is liable to be dragged through the mud for displaying any form of sexuality. Nobody owns us, we are our own.” – Erica Wright

As I was listening to the radio the other night, the DJ referred to Rob Kardashian as his “sucker of the day” for asking Blac Chyna to marry him.  This remark, along with the millions of tweets and snide comments thrown towards Blac Chyna is truly upsetting to me.  Tired of hearing all of the commentary about Black Chyna and her perceived “hoeism,” I took to social media and posted the above comment about her situation and how it ties into Black women’s sexuality.

While many of my sister-friends hit me with “preach” and “you better say that,” one of them asked my opinion on Nicki Minaj. She wanted to know if I felt like she was a hoe or a queen. I was confused at first, because I didn’t see the relevance. My eyebrows began to furrow because I rarely get into the politics of another person’s sex life. I also wondered why she was asking specifically about Nicki Minaj being a hoe in the first place.

From what we all know, she was in a relationship with Safaree Samuels for 11 years, and now she is with Meek Mills.  So in the past 13 years, she has been with two men.  So where does the “hoeism” come into play?

My friend’s question caused me to think about this new wave of Black self love and how many have adopted the practice of calling each other “Queens” and “Kings.”  But it seems that those titles are very conditional, with Black women having the most stipulations on their perceived Queendom. I suppose that due to their overt sexuality, neither Nicki Minaj nor Blac Chyna fit the script. Luckily, I have never bought into that rhetoric.

I believe that definitions belong to the definers, and while I understand the symbolic meaning of calling each other “Kings” and “Queens,” it does not move me. Calling and defining ourselves as such makes us feel special and powerful, and I would never demean or take that away from anyone.  But in our culture, when a woman does not follow this silent code of purity and submission, she is automatically deemed a hoe and it is flat out wrong.   To be clear, for me to call anybody a “Queen” or “King,” it has to extend beyond your skin tone, and I need to see the God in you.

So no, I would not call Blac Chyna a queen, but I would never call her a hoe either. I simply call her a woman. And I am going to go out on a limb and say that more than likely, she was probably faithful to Tyga while they were engaged to be married.  He then left her for a child, with a child and a broken heart.  But do we ever even get around to talking about the trauma that could have possibly caused her?

I suppose that those who call her a hoe felt that in true “Black Queen” fashion, she should have licked her own wounds while sitting around hoping he came back right? No. Blac Chyna did what any other person has a right to do. She entertained other relationships.  Perhaps she did not make the best decisions in men and chose those who were not ready to be what she needed. But was she supposed to stay with whomever, just so that people didn’t call her out of her name? All names aside and to answer the true nature of my friend’s question, do I think that these women are positive role models deserving to be held in the likes of Nefertiti? Absolutely not. But neither is Kim Kardashian or her sisters.

When a white woman behaves in a manner that is typically deemed socially deviant by society, then it is OK because she is reclaiming or owning her sexuality.  In the reverse, however, when Black women behave in the same manner, then she is called every name but her own.  Everyone feels that they have a claim to the Black women’s sexuality and her display of it.  Everyone from her father, brothers, cousins, uncles, pastors, boyfriend, husband and kids lay claim to her sexuality. The only person missing is her damn self.  When she does own it, that is how the Queen becomes the Hoe.

A Native of St. Louis, Erica Wright (Amari Rene), is a true citizen of the world. While she currently resides in Chicago, she has lived in New York, Washington D.C., Mexico and Ghana. Erica considers herself a social artist. She uses her talents and love of writing, poetry and photography to connect with everyday people around her, to tell their stories, through their own unique lens. Having a masters degree in counseling psychology and being a natural humanitarian has given Erica the skills to connect with people on a global level. For more of Erica’s work, visit www.thestooplife.com.

 JET wants you to Talk Back. This is one of the reader submissions that we received and opted to publish. Want to make your voice heard? Submit your commentary, TV show recap, poem, or essay HERE.  Read all the rules so you know how it works.