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Plot Twist: Wife of Man Who Fathered 22 Kids ‘Livid’

Ari Nagel

With the subtle and non-sensational headline of “Great Balls of Sire,” it’s hard to imagine why I shook my head in disbelief the entire time I read the New York Post story about Ari Nagel, a professor who has fathered over 22 kids with a United Nations of women. But that’s what happened. A week later and I still haven’t been able to quell the “what the hell?” initial reaction.

And this is coming from a woman who is rarely surprised by anything. Michael Jackson, Prince, and Elvis could Electric Slide across the subway car during my morning commute and I wouldn’t blink.

But this one was just “tew much.”

Nagel, a math professor with a City University of New York, seems to view himself as a benevolent donor who has made the motherhood dreams of 18 women – Black, White, Hispanic, lesbian, straight – possible over the last 12 years.

“I just love seeing how happy the moms and kids are. It’s the gift that keeps on giving,” said the 6-foot-2 Orthodox Jewish Holiday Armadillo of Sperm.

Unlike the “Who’s the daddy?” segments of morning television, Nagel is apparently happy to claim responsibility and even has a Facebook album of photos of his children and regularly babysits and attends birthday parties and graduations. Nagel, who claims to be “financially bankrupt” by this whole process, is still “very happy with the way things turned out.” So much so that since the story was initially published he has sired his 23rd child.

Are you keeping up with all of this? Okay. Good.

Now, in the White Plot Twist to end all #BlackPlotTwists, we come to learn that Professor Spermy has been married for the last decade. And hold on to your unpinned wigs . . . to a sista.

Class, repeat after me: “Aw, hell naw!”

giphy

Her HUSBAND has been ejaculating in cups in city bathrooms (of which my local Target is one. Yuck!) to hand over sperm to impregnate other women for the entirety of their relationship. Where they do that at in a marriage?

To top that off, he has been using joint money (it’s joint money until they’re divorced!) to support children that are not theirs together. Children with women in New York, Florida, Illinois, Virginia, Connecticut and Israel.

Not surprisingly, Nagel reports that his wife is “livid” and has been “yelling at me a lot.” With good reason, nah?

I felt hurt on her behalf that she had to endure this public embarrassment of learning about her husband’s extramarital activities. Then Nagel told the Post that his wife, and the mother of three of his legit children, “Of course knew what was going on.” Oh?

Nagel went on to say that “she didn’t support it” and always wanted him to be a “regular, traditional spouse.”

Okay, but at what point should she have come to her senses and realized that wouldn’t be the case? After bathroom donation number 5? 10? 15? 20? I mean did she ever have a conversation with herself about how much she was willing to put up with?

Even though Nagel describes their relationship as “complicated” (understatement of the year) and claims that they “sleep in separate bedrooms,” I imagine that loving someone and watching him give such a precious piece of himself to others over and over again has to be devastating. It’s one thing to do it with her consent; it’s another to have her voice her disapproval only to be ignored.

But is he really to blame for something she keeps putting up with? Who knows! But Happy Father’s Day Nagel. Here’s hoping CUNY has a great mental health plan that covers therapy for the web of confusion that is your family life.