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The Not So Glamorous Life of a Slut

We are a few short days away from what is promised to be a colossal event. I must concede that I experienced a rush of excitement and entertainment as I visualized the disgusted reactions from our inelastic conservatives and devoted Christians who may have come across Ms. Amber Rose’s “Funny or Die” promo video.

For those of you who missed this purposely aggravating video, indulge below.

https://youtu.be/ZfwgY-CENkQ

Yep, the best wasted 3:16 of your life.

Thank you Ms. Muva. The next time I let the sun beat me home, I will feel no shame.

Waking up in a bed that is not my own, with remnants of Remy VSOP still on my breath and crust in my eyes will no longer be a source of humiliation for me. I will proudly stuff my laced boy shorts in my purse, swoop my heels up on the way out the door, and exit scene left praising myself for last night’s show stopping performance.

Do you think I will feel humiliation when I pull down the visor and see my smeared make-up or the horrendous condition of my hair?  Hell no! Why? Because I am a slut and proud of it…,said no woman of class ever!

As a fellow “walk of no shame” enthusiast, in good conscience, I shun or dismiss the intended message of this video. I had taken that very walk many a morning and the more mature I became, the less wrong I felt in my glorious stride to my car the next day.

I get it, women should not be made to feel savage for being sexual beings. It is OK for us to be over sexualized for the satisfaction of men, but we dare not harness our sexuality for ourselves. By denoting this walk as “shameful,” we inadvertently shun women who have decided that their sexual desires are not to be defined, controlled, or manipulated by society.

Women are permitted to be sensual, but only behind closed doors for their husband, at his leisure, and for his gratification. God forbid we get horny and want to fulfill our own yearning, on our own conditions, with whom we choose.

Amber Rose’s video, although comedic in its intent, defies the idea that women must be either feminine or sexual, never both. So, bras in the air for Amber Rose for clowning societal bias and giving women like myself, who have absolutely no shame in being sexually liberated, another reason to celebrate our freedom.

While I understand the idea that women, as long as it’s our choice, should be able to walk away from sexual experiences with no humiliation, I personally cannot get behind Amber Rose’s “Slut Walk” crusade for several reasons.

Now, before I give my two cents on this event, I feel the overpowering need to offer these disclaimers:

Like religion, feminist campaigns have become highly segregated by individuals who selfishly push their personal agendas to the front at the sacrifice of true unity.  So, while I embrace some feminist viewpoints, this is not a “militant women’s rights” piece.

I LOVE sex!  And I think more women should freely explore their own sexuality and be vocal about what pleases them. So, this is not an “Amber Rose behave more like a lady” article either. I am merely a woman who after thorough research, concluded that I am just not feeling this event!

Switching Lanes

The logistics of this event are indicative of what happens when people do not stay in their lane. Often, we Velcro patch labels to our identity that simply do not represent who we truly are. Amber Rose is a socialite.  A damn good one at that.  She gets paid to entertain and socialize, and rightfully so. She’s bold, beautiful, and can twerk her ass off.

However, Amber Rose has used the word, “philanthropist” to define herself, and has unknowingly ventured into a world she knows very little about. The October 3rd Slut Walk event is taking place in LA. It is being hosted by the Amber Rose Foundation, a non-profit (from what I have been able to uncover) that has done absolutely nothing thus far. Event details are sketchy to say the least. There’s no agenda, no list of vendors and no real understanding of what donations are being collected for. It appears to be extremely disorganized and thrown together.

#SlutWalk Does Not Belong to You

Deriving from a protest march against victim-blaming and sexual violence, slut walks commenced in Toronto, Canada and have since expanded into a global movement spanning across many countries.

To take this feminist-powered movement and throw your name on it by renaming it “Amber Rose’s Slut Walk,” is the equivalent of someone trying to take personal possession of the #BlackLivesMatter movement. It just simply doesn’t work like that.

This is not a guest appearance at a club.  To stand in the front lines of any social movement you must remove your own personal agenda for the sake of the cause at hand. Ms. Rose is promoting what was once a global outcry against rape culture and the dehumanization of women around the world. To promote such a cause similar to the way one would promote a club party is quite tacky to put it plain.  At the very least she could attempt to give participants a true run down of the history behind slut walks – only that might water down the focus on celebrity entertainment and dress code for the event.

Celebrities Diluting Social Issues

Amber Rose is not the first and most certainly will not be the last celebrity to glamorize a social issue for their own gain. Amber Rose, we get it! You’re all about women’s empowerment (at least that is what her social media account alludes to)!  Please continue inspiring women to be fierce and comfortable in their own skin, but understand that horrid culture behind what you attest to stand for.

Society normalizes the maltreatment and abuse of women and there is nothing vogue or Hollywood about that. We live in a culture where we are blamed by men, for the behaviors of men, who brutally rape and abuse us. We are told that our clothes, our mannerisms, our communication, our appearance, and our being out alone at night, are all grounds for rape.

No, I will not be purchasing a $20.00 tote bag painted with the word, “slut,” “whore,” or “THOT” on it in support of this walk. There is nothing beautiful about constantly being made to feel humiliated or ostracized because we have decided to take ownership of our bodies. Hosting a “slut walk” without truly bringing light to the issue at hand is counterproductive. To be dismissive of the seriousness behind the issues at hand is detrimental to the millions of women who have suffered from abuse in silence.

Even if you are a Benz, you are still a n*gga in a coupe

Encouraging “women” to embrace the word slut is disadvantageous. We have to arrive at a place where we stop associating the recovering of our power with our ability to embrace behaviors and words that once caused us great pain and torment.

Analogous to the word, “n*gger” the word “slut” has never been used in place of a bouquet of roses. We adopt the word n*gger, change the “er” to an “a”, and suddenly Black people are supposed to take pride in the word as a demonstration to white people that they can no longer hurt us with language they used to spit in the faces of our ancestors for years? That is not regaining power, that’s ignorance.

Women cuddling with the word “slut” only moves us further from true resolution. It is in fact more problematic in the crusade for equality. The aim should be to create a culture where women are no longer scrutinized and belittled because they do not adhere to societal norms, not to teach women that their behavior is “slutty” and that they should be proud of it.

While I am all for raising young girls to be women who are not made to be quaint and obedient to the unfair gender roles, I unapologetically will never encourage my daughter to take delight in referring to herself as a “slutty b*tch” to communicate that she is liberated.

Amber Rose, in this moment, demonstrates how entitled we feel as people. Taking a global appeal to the masses and placing her name in front of it does not suddenly give her the authority to own this cause. Again, there is nothing even remotely glamorous about the way women are ridiculed and dehumanized at the hands of men who will never see us as anything other than instruments for their satisfaction.

Reclaiming the word “slut” does not magically give us power over those who hatefully spew this word at us, Ms. Rose. Using our voices and our stories to raise awareness about the culture of rape and demanding that we no longer be labeled as “sluts” is seemingly a better approach.

While this event may very well, “shut down the ‘net,” as I am sure the selfies will be #OnFleek, I am certain that very few individuals will leave that event with a greater understanding of what the “Slut Walk” actually means and how they can move our culture away from condoning the rape and victimization of women.

I’m not a n*gga, nor am I a bad b*tch, and you can keep the word slut for your cat suit. I won’t be fashioning it anytime soon.

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Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013,  Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.