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Moment Of Clarity

Are You a Perfectionist?

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A lot of my clients are perfectionists and this has helped them go far in their careers. However, they pay a high price in their personal and professional relationships, which tend to be short lived or shallow.

If you are wondering whether or not you are a perfectionist, take a look at the “Perfectionist Personality Inventory” checklist below. My rule of thumb is, if you have at least five traits then you may want to do some self-improvement. If you have more, then a little more work may need to be done – no shade intended.

The other thing I’ve included in this week’s article is some tips on how to help people get along with you and how you probably got to be that way.

Let’s begin with how you probably became a perfectionist. When you were younger, you were probably criticized as a child, stopped doing things that you felt would not be perfect, placed your attention on living up to the expectations of others, probably took on the role of being a parent too soon, held back expressing your negative emotions, and negatively connected with your father or father figure.

Now if the summary above is generally true and applies to you then you have a good sense of how you got to where you were. Let’s look below to see where you are now.

THE PERFECTIONIST PERSONALITY INVENTORY:

1) I like to be organized and orderly.

2) It is difficult for me to be spontaneous.

3) I often feel guilty about not getting enough accomplished.

4) I don’t like it when people break rules.

5) Incorrect grammar and spelling bothers me a lot.

6) I am idealistic and want to make the world a better place.

7) I am almost always on time.

8) I hold on to resentment for a long time.

9) I think of myself as being practical, reasonable, and realistic.

10) When jealous, I become fearful and competitive.

11) Either I don’t have enough time to relax or I think I shouldn’t relax.

12) I tend to see things in terms of right or wrong, good or bad.

12) I analyze major purchases very thoroughly before I make them.

14) I dread being criticized by others.

15) I often compare myself to others.

16) Truth and justice are very important to me.

17) I often feel that time is running out and there is too much left to do.

18) I almost always do what I say I will do.

19) I worry almost constantly.

20) I love making every detail perfect.

How People Can Best Get Along with You.

Letting people know the following helps them understand how you work best with others. It can create a win-win situation for everyone!

1) Take your share of the responsibility, so I don’t end up with all the work.

2) Acknowledge my achievements and expertise.

3) I’m hard on myself. Reassure me that I’m fine the way I am.

4) Tell me that you value my advice.

5) Be as fair and considerate as I am.

6) Apologize if you have been unthoughtful because it will help me to forgive.

7) Gently encourage me to lighten up and laugh at myself when I get uptight after you hear my worries.

The key to self-help is actually looking inward to see yourself for who you are. This is the only way you can become a better you. Personal responsibility is a real thing and even though there are things that others can do to work with you better, you are still responsible for learning how to ease up.

I hope this was helpful! With love and light, I wish you all pleasant journeys!

Jinnie

The inventory tips on how to get along with a perfectionist was taken from, “The Ennegram Made Easy” by Baron and Wagle (p. 12-13). I really like this book and recommend it for purchase!

Jinnie Cristerna, LCSW

Do you have a question for our “Moment of Clarity” JET Therapist, Jinnie? Email us at talkback@jetmag.com. We’ll be sure to keep it anonymous and confidential. 

Jinnie Cristerna, affectionately known as “The High Achievers Therapist”, works with talented people to help them release emotional pain and psychological roadblocks so they can achieve their personal and professional goals. Specializing in clinical and spiritual psychotherapy, heart centered hypnotherapy, vibrational energy, meditation, and RoHun.  Sign up for Jinnie’s High Achiever newsletter here or join her on Facebook and Twitter!