Moment of Clarity: Grieving the Loss of a Child
We understand. Sometimes, problems with romantic relationships, friendships, career or family life get you down. And we want to help. That’s why JET is working with therapist, Jinnie Cristerna, who will take your questions and offer some sage, sanity-restoring advice every Tuesday.
You can submit your own question via our contact form and don’t fret, we’ll keep your name and identity confidential. First up, we have a question from a reader we’ll call “Devastated Mother.”
Question: I lost my child to gun violence. He was just a baby. I can’t function and I have three other children who need me. How do I grieve my son’s death and live my life? My other children are suffering because I can’t let go. It hurts so much. –Signed, Lord Take Me!
Dearest Devastated Mother,
My heart aches for you and your children. The hardest thing a parent can do is bury their child. Feelings of pain, distress, helplessness and devastation are beyond words and there is nothing that can bring them back as they once were.
When a child has crossed over and gone home, memories of them can feel tortuous and any personal happiness a parent may experience can feel like a betrayal to the loss of their child. There are so many feelings that surge through the mind and body of a parent, that sorting through them can be so exhausting they shut down and just “go through the motions of living.”
It may be hard to believe, but it is through your pain, your devastation, and your helplessness that you will heal.
To answer your question, “How do I grieve my son’s death and live my life?” you should know that there are no shortcuts to grieving and that we all grieve in our own way. With that said, counseling is the best way to work through grief as it helps you to release emotional pain and integrate the loss into your life experience in a healthy way.
The goal of counseling is to bring relief to the client and help them become conscious of and make peace with their thoughts and feelings so they can function in this world.
I personally use Heart Centered Hypnotherapy in conjunction with psychotherapy with grieving clients. I find that they are better able to work through their feelings whether it be pain, guilt, sorrow, regret, anger, confusion, or internal conflict in a shorter amount of time and experience relief and acceptance better than in counseling alone; but that is just my experience.
What matters is that whomever you work with is someone you trust and is there to support you through this process.
Discovering how to let go, and then doing so, is powerful as nothing is promised to any of us. Learning how to let go not only helps us heal, but it allows us to learn what it means to truly be grateful for those people who enter our world and touch our lives. No one is ever truly gone when they leave this world–they have just moved on.
As for your other children, they will never take the place of your son nor should they; they are their own persons. Allow the love you have for your son who crossed over to manifest in your other children. Loving and raising them in ways that are truly your own and without regret.
Whenever a child leaves this world, there are lessons to be learned–that is their gift to us. It’s okay to be scared, but don’t let your fear deter you. Open their gift, and allow yourself become better for it.
With Love and Light. I wish you pleasant (and courageous) journeys …
Do you have a question for Jinnie? Submit it to us via the contact us form. You can also learn more about our “Moment of Clarity” JET therapist via:
Her site at International High Achievers.
You can also subscribe to her High Achievers email list here!