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Moment Of Clarity

LESSONS LEARNED: Evelyn Lozada

While Evelyn Lozada hasn’t thrown a bottle or fists for about two years, it’s hard to forget the times she did. For the last two years, Evelyn has done a lot of healing. She is working very diligently on her anger so she can create the life that she deserves.

I had the chance to sit down with Evelyn and talk with her about her past, present, and what she imagines her future to be. It was during this powerful conversation, that she allowed herself to connect with and share what really fueled her wrath. As she shared her story with me, my heart opened up to her even more as it was clear to see that underneath the anger was a little girl who needed her father.

JET: What has been the biggest hurdle you’ve had to overcome in order to heal your anger?

Evelyn Lozada: The big one for me was really making peace with having a father that wasn’t in my life growing up. I held on to so much anger because of that. I grew up with my sister and her dad was very, very involved. He would send her Christmas gifts. He always sent me Christmas gifts too, because he knew that my dad wasn’t around. It was tough for me growing up without a dad. Growing up in New York, I felt lost and that was one of the biggest things that I needed.

JET: Yeah. On one of your reality shows with your dad, it was clear that you were hurt that he wasn’t around.

Evelyn Lozada: Yeah and it’s the hurt that you really hold on to even in your 30s. When we had our first conversation on TV, which started the healing process for me, things didn’t change overnight. I was still stubborn and resentful, but then I started focusing on what I want in life, which was to be happy. I want my life to be aligned, a wonderful husband, and more children! I needed to re-program my brain and heal my heart.

JET: How has your dad not being around impacted your ability to create the life you want?

Evelyn Lozada: I think because I was so angry. I wasn’t always making the best of decisions when it came to men. Even when I was a teenager, I was looking for love in all of the wrong places, you know what I mean? Even when I got older, I was still trying to find somebody to fill that void. I was quick to settle because I wanted it so bad that I ended up in dysfunctional, very toxic relationships.

JET: In hindsight, what did you need your father to do? What did that little six-year-old Evelyn need from her daddy?

Evelyn Lozada: She just needed to feel love. It was like I didn’t have a dad, we would only see him if my mom drove us to his neighborhood and he was hanging out on the corner. I held on to that little moment and felt so incomplete because I didn’t have his love. My dad was married and had another daughter; he had his family. But I wanted my dad to be here and go to my school events! I wanted him to be there just like all the other kids who had both of their parents there and I didn’t have that. And, just seeing my sister with her dad, who was an amazing man, was very hard for me. I would often wonder, “What about mine?” I wanted my dad to take me to see Peter Pan and do things that I did with my sister’s father. So, when I saw my sister have her dad, I often wondered, “What’s wrong with me? Why isn’t he around? What did I do?”

JET: It sounds like that little girl needed to feel worthy of being loved. She needed to feel like she was special too.

Evelyn Lozada: Exactly. You used the word “worthy.” As a woman, I didn’t feel like I was worthy of love so I allowed men to treat me a certain way because I didn’t have love from my father. My mom was great, but I needed it from my father.

JET: This is my last question for you. What truths are you able to see about yourself now that you’re moving towards peace?

Evelyn Lozada: The first thing that comes to my mind is I deserve respect and love. I didn’t see that before.

LESSON LEARNED: 

Go to therapy. We are raised to be so strong and tough, so if you are going to therapy that means your weak. I don’t think like that anymore. I embrace therapy because it has helped me to see myself and talk about what is there. I mean, who else do you get to do that with? I think that’s wonderful and I love it.

Thank you, Evelyn for sharing your story with us. We wish you continued success and healing.

To see Evelyn transform her anger watch her new show, Livin’ Lozada on OWN.

With love and light, pleasant journeys …

Jinnie Cristerna, LCSW

Do you have a question for our “Moment of Clarity” JET Therapist, Jinnie? Email us at digitalpitches@ebony.com. We’ll be sure to keep it anonymous and confidential. 

Jinnie Cristerna, affectionately known as “The High Achievers Therapist”, works with talented people to help them release emotional pain and psychological roadblocks so they can achieve their personal and professional goals. Specializing in clinical and spiritual psychotherapy, heart centered hypnotherapy, vibrational energy, meditation, and RoHun.  Sign up for Jinnie’s High Achiever newsletter here or join her on Facebook and Twitter!