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Moment Of Clarity

Kenya Moore: Why We Love to Hate Her

RHOA's Kenya Moore brings excitement into the lives of certain people and here are three reasons people love to hate her.
Credit: Bravo

We understand.  Sometimes, problems with romantic relationships,  friendships, career or family life get you down. And we want to help. That’s why JET is working with therapist, Jinnie Cristerna, who will take your questions and offer some sage, sanity-restoring advice and insight every week.

Jinnie Cristerna, LCSW, CHt.

Jinnie Cristerna, LCSW, CHt.

While we know that reality shows are not truly “real,” they can draw you into the lives of its cast members in ways that evoke a strong emotional response from the viewer. Former beauty queen Kenya Moore has been phenomenal at generating both strong positive and negative emotional responses from Real Housewives of Atlanta viewers. She has been called everything from the “mean girl” to “crazy” on the reality show.

First, let me be clear: I don’t know Kenya.  I’ve never worked with her nor have I met her. Based on what we see on television, however, she has certainly given people a lot of material – one way or another, to disparage her behavior. Even if you think Kenya is being mean, it’s difficult to argue that she isn’t beautiful, articulate, and full of spunk. The question that people have raised about Kenya is “Why do people still find her sexy and are attracted to her despite her ‘craziness’?”

The truth is, cute-but-difficult has always been sexy–to both men and women–so this is nothing new. We are drawn to people who can idealize and love us in one moment, take us to the brink of insanity the next, only to bring us back to earth grateful to be alive. That is called excitement and we pay a hefty sum of money to feel it by going to action movies and amusement parks.

Kenya brings excitement into the lives of certain people and here are three reasons people love to hate Kenya Moore.  Learn a lesson from her conduct on the small screen and apply it to your own real (not reality-based) life:

1)   She’s judgmental. While people inherently dislike being judged, we seek out and need to know how others experience us in the form of feedback. However, there is a thin line between being judgmental and offering feedback. Judgment is excessively critical (even if it’s accurate), whereas feedback is intended to be helpful and comes from a place of compassion. So when someone is judgmental they are giving us something we need, but in a harsh way.

HEADS UP: Being judgmental will run its course and backfire. After a while, bridges are burned and your reputation is ruined. When people begin engaging you at a superficial level, you’ve reached the tipping point and should consider changing course quickly.

2)   She’s an amazing damsel in distress. Kenya looks for people to come to her defense and is truly at a loss when she is left out in the cold or when people do not agree with her behavior. Whenever Kenya does something that is inappropriate or stirs up the pot, she and Porsha seem to drink from the same water fountain because Kenya doesn’t get it. For example, Kenya doesn’t understand that you can’t reprimand people for being late and then show up three hours late to another event without calling. When she does that, she not only sets herself up to fail, but she creates an environment where others want her to fail. It’s called being a “Goody Two Shoes” and, because no one is perfect, it’s a good idea to play down one’s virtuousness.

HEADS UP: The damsel in distress can’t ask for help more than a few times. After a while, the perception and feeling shifts from being a damsel in distress to being a victim. Whenever someone is labeled as a victim, that label sticks like wet on water.  The best thing a damsel can do once they have been rescued is move toward being a survivor and take responsibility for her behavior quickly. People like survivors and will be supportive of their efforts.

3)   She is gracious. Kenya is fantastic at engagement. She is typically friendly and has an amazing smile. She interviews well on any talk show and is flattering. If for no other reason, her ability to be gracious will be why she is always given a chance to be more successful.

HEADS UP: Being gracious will always get you new friends, but it doesn’t rebuild burned bridges, as we saw in her attempt to make up with cast-mate NeNe Leakes. In fact, her attempt at graciousness backfired when the charity event released a statement saying that they never received a dime from Miss Moore’s event . While Kenya responded to the accusations and made copies of the checks that were received, it is unclear if it matters at this point to viewers who see her as shady.

The moral of the story is: the cute-but-troublesome spell works, but it does not last long – and will not work on everyone. After the spell is broken, there is no fixing it – regardless of what good you try to do.

With love and light. Pleasant journeys…

Jinnie

Do you have a question for our “Moment of Clarity” JET Therapist, Jinnie? Email us at digitalpitches@ebony.com. We’ll be sure to keep it anonymous and confidential. 

Jinnie Cristerna, affectionately known as “The High Achievers Therapist”, works with talented people to help them release emotional pain and psychological roadblocks so they can achieve their personal and professional goals. Specializing in psychotherapy, heart centered hypnotherapy, vibrational energy, meditation, and personality development, Jinnie has a nearly 90% success rate with her clients.  Sign up for Jinnie’s High Achiever newsletter here or join her on Facebook and Twitter!