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Moment Of Clarity

Do You Give Away Your Power?

A lot of people want to be in control of their life, but you’d be surprised at how many people actually give away their power to actually do so.

When I work with high achievers from all industries, we mostly focus on healthy ways they can reclaim and use their personal power to create the life they want. In order to do that, one must fully accept life’s cardinal rule: you are responsible for 100% of your life. You can’t blame your community, your mother, or even that jerk next to you in the office (who really is a jerk).

You may wonder how this can be true when there is so much we cannot control: wars, abuse, violence, etc. To answer that question is to return to the cardinal rule: you are 100% responsible for your life.

When you take 100% responsibility for the life you create, you are not taking responsibility for what other people do, you are taking responsibility for how you respond to those things that happen to you. When you take responsibility for how you respond, you in fact begin to shape more of what begins to happen to you.

It’s kind of like physics. Like attracts like (unless you’re a magnet).

In any event, the following are ways that you give away your power and how you can begin to take it back.

1) React to the environment. Most people tend to react to triggers within their environment; and, while that can be appropriate at times (e.g. self-defense), often it creates a bigger or even a new problem for them to face later.

Instead, try responding to what happens to and around you. This means taking the time to think about what is the best outcome for you and those around you. What may work best for you may not work for others, but that is okay because they will then have to decide what to do that works best for them. Responding instead of reacting is the single most powerful thing you can do!

2) Try to control everything. The only thing you can control is you – and you are the product of your choices and your thoughts. If you are trying to make someone do something, you are coming from a controlling place and this is going to drain your energy and zap your power quickly.

Instead, respect the other person’s choice and then make your choice based on what is best for you. As an aside, this is why so many people are miserable in their relationships and at work. They try to control what others do instead of seeing it for what it is and addressing it in a healthy way.

3) Compare your inside to someone else’s outside. How many times have you looked at someone and said they were happier, smarter, prettier, or more loved than you? Not only that, how many times have you determined that their life is better than yours because of how they appear on the outside? In our society, we are so focused on appearances that we miss the big picture. Did you consider that the person who has more money than you, does all she can to save every penny for something she really wants? Or, that the couple who has been together for 25 years have gone through some $#!% and come out on the other side with a greater respect and understanding of self and love? The point is, whenever you compare your insides to someone else’s outside, nothing you do feels good enough. You become jealous, depressed, and resentful and those feeling influence your thoughts.

Instead, try focusing on what you could do to create a life that gives you what you admire in someone else. You also want to keep in mind that there are always tradeoffs that people make and no one has a perfect life.

I hope this was helpful. Remember you have the power to create the essence of what you want. When you reclaim your power, you reclaim your life and all that it can be.

With love and light, I wish you all pleasant journeys!

Jinnie

Jinnie Cristerna, LCSW

Do you have a question for our “Moment of Clarity” JET Therapist, Jinnie? Email us at digitalpitches@ebony.com. We’ll be sure to keep it anonymous and confidential. 

Jinnie Cristerna, affectionately known as “The High Achievers Therapist”, works with talented people to help them release emotional pain and psychological roadblocks so they can achieve their personal and professional goals. Specializing in clinical and spiritual psychotherapy, heart centered hypnotherapy, vibrational energy, meditation, Yhandi and RoHun.  Sign up for Jinnie’s High Achiever newsletter, join her on Facebook and Twitter, or view her self-help books!