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Moment Of Clarity

Breaking Up During the Holidays

There are a lot of reasons couples break up and there really isn’t a “good time” to do it. Some times are just less painful than others. I’ve counseled dozens of heartbroken souls who suffered one of the most painful breakups ever – over the Christmas or New Year’s Holiday.

While there is no right way to break up, you can definitely do your best to soften the blow. The best way to break up with someone is to come from a place of compassion and sincerity. Understand that this will probably be a difficult time for them because they may be surprised with your choice to move on. In addition to spending the holidays as a single person, they may struggle to explain the breakup to their family – who may or may not have liked you.

TIPS ON HOW TO BREAKUP DURING THE HOLIDAYS:

1) Be compassionate. In other words, get your head right. Imagine how they might feel and anticipate their hurt, anger or disappointment.

2) Do it face to face. I’m convinced that a break up via text is gonna make it worse.

3) Tell them the truth. Your soon-to-be ex deserves to know the real reason you want to break up. You don’t have to do the “It’s not you, it’s me” spiel unless it really is you. Respect them enough to let them why it’s not working for you.

4) Stand by your decision. That means you’re going to need to put some thought into it. Do you really want to break up or are you just having a moment? Don’t lead them on or change your mind after you break up. That makes it confusing and drags out the inevitable fact that you’re no longer together.

5) Give them time to heal. Grant them time and space to process what happened. If you are really concerned about them, then ask a family member or a friend to check in on them.

GENERIC EXAMPLE:

Hi Samantha, I care about you deeply and we’ve had these talks about trying to make it work for a while now. This is a horrible time for us to part ways and the truth is, it will never be a good time. I think we’ve tried as hard as we could and I just don’t think it’s working. I’m not even sure what happened, I just know that I respect you and myself enough to move on. It’ll probably be best if we didn’t talk for a while so we can heal, but please know that I care about you and want you to enjoy the holidays with people who can support you.

Now, there are a number of ways breakups can go and you are the best one to determine if it needs to be face to face or something else. Of course, if there is violence in the relationship, face to face is probably a no-no. But whenever possible, sit down and talk about it, stand by your decision, and take time to heal.

Breakups during the holidays are tough, but they happen. Coming from a place of compassion and sincerity can help soften the blow.

I hope this was helpful. Do you have any holiday breakup stories or tips you want to share? Please do so below! With love and light … I wish you a happy holiday season.

Jinnie Cristerna, LCSW

Do you have a question for our “Moment of Clarity” JET Therapist, Jinnie? Email us at digitalpitches@ebony.com. We’ll be sure to keep it anonymous and confidential. 

Jinnie Cristerna, affectionately known as “The High Achievers Therapist”, works with talented people to help them release emotional pain and psychological roadblocks so they can achieve their personal and professional goals. Specializing in clinical and spiritual psychotherapy, heart centered hypnotherapy, vibrational energy, meditation, Yhandi and RoHun.  Sign up for Jinnie’s High Achiever newsletter, join her on Facebook and Twitter, or view her self-help books!