Dr. Heavenly Advises on Women Managing Marriage
Watch any episode of Married to Medicine and it quickly becomes evident that Dr. Heavenly Kimes has no chill when it comes to serving sassy commentary—unless she’s talking to her husband, who she affectionately calls “Daddy,” and the deference doesn’t stop there.
The dentist, who runs a thriving practice in Lawrenceville, Ga., Smiles by Dr. Heavenly, has no qualms with telling her female friends, and fans, that life is easier when ladies “know your place.” But don’t call the headshrinks just yet. The good doctor is no indentured servant in her household, in fact, despite all over her verbal kowtowing, she says she typically gets her desired outcome on most issues with her hubby. “I pretty much get my way on everything since I present it as his idea,” she tells EBONY. “Everything is about wording. You don’t get what you want from a man by yelling and screaming.”
When it comes to relationships, Kimes believes in the power of strategic passivity, particularly when you want your man to be, or at least feel like, the head of household. “It’s not easy,” says the reality star and author of The Business of Love. But she has proof that her methods work. “Daddy likes it. He’s happy and I’m happy,” she adds. After years of balancing running a thriving practice, raising three children and marriage, Kimes is using her real-life experience to help other women find and keep love. She breaks down what some women who are single and still searching may be doing wrong and how they can shift gears—and maybe land their own Daddy.
Put God First. It’s important to sure up your relationship with God. You can ask him for the right man, but first you must be centered in your relationship with your higher power. Once that connection happens other doors will open.
Know Your Worth. Too many women are giving up sex too easily. You’re sitting on a pot of gold. You’re throwing money on the floor. Wars have been fought over women. You’re supposed to wait until you’re married, but if you can’t, and you’re dating for the purpose of marriage, wait at least 3-6 months. People reveal their true selves and intentions over time. And regardless of what is said, most men who want a serious long term relationship have more respect and appreciation for a woman when they have to work a little to earn that special place in her life.
Don’t Involve Friends and Family. Once you invite your loved ones into your relationship they take up permanent residence. If you need support, look to God and counseling for guidance. Also, never take advice from friends who are consistently single or serially in bad relationships—they obviously don’t know what to do.
Dote on Yourself. Women often forget to love themselves. Self-care rituals are an essential component of building healthy self-confidence. Making time for everything from mani/pedis and hair care to the gym and doctor appointments help you look and feel your best. Additionally, being mentally/physically/emotionally/spiritually focused helps you attract a man who is your complement.
Kill the Insecurity. Confidence is sexy on both genders. Men are looking for women who understand they are a prize and aren’t sitting around waiting to be saved. Whatever you do, do it well. And don’t compare yourself to other women.
Respect Your Man. You should always treat your partner in a manner that shows you honor his hard work, leadership, sacrifice and choices—if you don’t feel this way you shouldn’t be with that man! Speak to him with language and in a tone that underscores the dignity he deserves, in private and public. Now, this doesn’t mean you’ll never lose your cool, instead you are in the habit of giving the respect you expect.
Change Your Standards. Be more selective and discerning regarding what impresses about the men you want to date. Often women serial date the same types of guys, and the question is why? Are you attracted to bravado, handsome faces or flashy behavior— and surprised when there is little substance? Are you constantly connecting with men who are insecure, verbally abusive or dishonest—but shocked when he’s manipulative or hurtful to you? Take inventory of the values that are important to you how they must show up in your mate’s habits. And be keenly aware of how a man treats you, and others, from the start.
Tell us what you think about the doctor’s advice! And get more info about Dr. Heavenly Kimes at drheavenly.com.