5 Steps to a Healthy & Happy Relationship

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Why are so many relationships unsuccessful?  Why does it seem that this subject is so complex and so many people are challenged with being happy together?  This article is a must read to help you repair and maintain your relationship.

The following five key points will help you to balance yourself and your relationship.

1. Beware of the “Honeymoon Phase.”  You may feel that the person you just started dating is the world’s greatest.  They make you laugh, are sensitive, smart, understanding, progressive, etc.  Let me give you insight on what is actually happening in your brain at this time:

Male- Testosterone:  Hormones are high with the thrill of the chase and the attempt to win her over. This raises his testosterone level and makes him feel a sense of strength and confidence. He will be more energetic, and more affectionate or attentive. He may also feel more attracted to her when his testosterone is not low.

Female- Oxytocin:  During the honeymoon phase, the woman’s hormones are high as she feels protected, provided for and loved. This raises her oxytocin level and makes her feel more affectionate. She may also experience more energy, joy, and be more carefree. She may also feel more attracted to her new partner while her oxytocin level is not low.  Things that happen in this stage are not a true picture of the real person.  There are a lot of relationships that break down shortly after this stage.  It may last from six to 12 months.  Believe me when I tell you, change is coming.

2. Acceptance of the real person.  Okay, so now your hormones have settled and you actually see some faults.  They are not so perfect after all. Now what? It is during this time that faults can seem huge and you begin to wonder how you missed it.  Realize that everyone has faults and shortcomings- focus on fixing yours and accepting theirs.

3. Avoid distractions from other things/people.   It is so easy to get distracted from what is truly important.  Your relationship is always going to be in competition with other things–work, personal goals, kids, technology, family, friends, etc.  Any type of distraction that keeps you from being focused on your relationship, often has a negative effect.  And if that distraction comes packaged in a tall, dark and handsome frame, or in a brick house body with long flowing hair… my advice- Run, Forest, run!

4. Learn how to manage conflict.  Just in case you didn’t know, there is no such thing as a conflict-free relationship.  It will find you.  The couples that are the happiest have learned how to minimize and manage their conflict.  Steps to help you manage conflict.

Know that it is inevitable. You are two individuals with different thoughts, values, and opinions.  Conflict does not have to be negative.

Think before you speak.  Refrain from talking too much when you are angry.    The words used in angry are often the ones that stick and are never forgotten.

Your partner is not the enemy. Don’t feel like that you are in combat with each other.  You are not fighting a war, so calm down.  Ask yourself, is it really that deep?

You don’t always have to be right.  Being right is not always what is important.  Too much wasted energy.  Focus on peace.

5. Happiness is a choice.  If you want to be happy in your relationship, make the decision to be happy.  No one is perfect and no relationship is perfect.  You can either dwell on the negatives or highlight the positives.  Highlighting the positives will lead you to a healthy happy relationship.

About Dr. Lawana Gladney


Dr. Gladney, America’s Emotional Wellness Doctor, has reached over 40 million. She works with individuals, companies, organizations, and churches.  She has appeared on national media including; Tom Joyner, Michael Baisden, and Roland Martin.  Her new book- “If You are in the Driver’s Seat, Why are you Lost?  A Roadmap to an Amazing Life,” is now available. Check out her website and follow her on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn