Why Women Cheat
I recently had a fascinating discussion with a male confidant of mine who delicately informed me that even the most committed men never stop feeling tempted by other women. Although his ideology cannot be consumed as the feeling of all men, I believed him when he said temptation was a true struggle for most men.
While I was not at all surprised by his argument, it immediately became clear that my response was not as effortless to process. Taking full advantage of an opportunity to spread the word to the masses, I let him in on a well-kept secret. The cold truth is, if men knew that women too struggled with temptation, I believe they would be more present and intentional about how they treated their women. Yes, like men, we too find ourselves in situations where we have to choose between what is right and what may look good or feel good to us in the moment.
Temptation can be best defined as, “a desire to do something, especially something wrong or unwise.” Temptation is in fact an action so dated, historians note it to be the very thing that splintered our harmonious existence here on Earth. Biblical literature goes so far as to condemn women for their weakness. In fact, if you have ever set foot inside the four walls of a Black church, you probably have been programmed to understand that because the woman was so weak in the face of temptation, she now has to depend on her husband to lead, making her incapable of true independence.
While I have absolutely no desire in baiting readers into a religious discussion, hypothetically speaking, say this is in fact the brutal truth. If women scuffle with temptation, shouldn’t it be an indefensible need to understand why?
This very same question is persistently asked about men, however I can’t fairly address the men without first giving light to a topic shaded by the warped perception that women are naturally more faithful than men. While it would appease us to believe that the act of cheating is synonymous with men and absent in the genetic makeup of women, I will bravely step in front of the firing squad and sing a gospel most women dare not hum. Yes, women cheat. Not only are we cheaters, once we have made the decision to go outside of our relationship, we tend to be much more strategic and calculated than men.
So, if both men and women fall from grace in the face of the enticement, what’s the incongruity between the two? Specifically giving attention to temptation as it relates to relationships, the question on the table is, what possesses a woman to cheat? The principle difference between a cheating man and a cheating woman is typically, rationale for why the adultery occurred.
The Worst Kind of Lonely
While there are some individuals who find a great deal of gratification in solitude, no one wants to be lonely. Loneliness is a paralyzing feeling that leaves you longing for companionship at any cost. We all long for affection, that’s a natural feeling. However, people often confuse loneliness with being alone. It is one thing to not have a companion to share your life with. It’s an entirely different issue to have someone next to you every night and still feel like you are by yourself. This is thee most heartbreaking feeling in the world. Women who cheat often spend unnumbered days, months, and years in a relationship where they feel forsaken and unwanted.
A neglected woman is a vulnerable woman, and a vulnerable woman is a dangerous woman. When a woman is deprived of attention and affection from her significant other, she becomes susceptible to temptation. Held hostage by a profound need for intimacy, physical affection, and deep-seated connectedness with their partner, a woman who feels abandoned emotionally is more impressionable than a woman who feels that her needs are being met within her relationship. Once a woman has exhausted every attempt to get her mate to understand and be sympathetic to her spiritual needs being met, regardless of how committed she once was to her relationship, she will eventually seek attention elsewhere.
Cold World, Keep Warm
I distinctly recall the first time I got my heart broken. I received some advice that at that time I considered to be incomparable. I was given the key to expedite the process of healing after a breakup. I was told, “The fastest way to get over one man was to get underneath another.” I honored that life lesson for a great deal of my young adulthood. When one relationship ended, I would typically be in the beginning stages of the next. I transitioned so coolly between relationships that I became desensitized to the pain that others typically often feel when a relationship comes to an end. Thank God for maturity, because I was beginning to get caught in the matrix, and everything love related began to blur together. I was guilty of doing what so many women do, moving indiscriminately from one situation to another in order to avoid having to deal with my grief.
As injurious as this sounds, it is not uncommon for women to entertain one man in an attempt to get over another. Women often unplug from their relationships emotionally before they actually ever physically sever ties. So, to ease their misery and lessen the pain of their relationship ending, they request and entertain the admiration of other men as a buffer. The warmth of another man serves as both a distraction and a source of empowerment for a woman who is deeply saddened, yet unwilling to deal with her hurt.
Lack of acknowledgment and appreciation
If you don’t take anything else from this article, please bury this in your psyche and reference it as often as necessary. Do not fail to look after your woman’s innate need for acknowledgement. This is the surest way to corrode your woman’s devotion to your relationship.
A woman who is in love will do everything within her scope of power to take care of her partner, however, when taken for granted, that rush to please her mate can quickly diminish. Women have to know that you recognize the work we put into making you happy and more importantly, that you appreciate our efforts.
Showing admiration is not complication. Women are much simpler than we are given credit for. Our hearts are delightful when we receive a compliment, a spontaneous date night, a card or text to let us know that we are in your thoughts. With women, the words, “thank you” go a long way. These painless demonstrations of appreciation can save your relationship or marriage.
Overlooking your woman creates a sense of desperation in her spirit. She will long to be seen and valued. If you do not willingly offer up recognition to your woman by acknowledging and glorifying the value she adds to your life, she may seek out a partner who will, rightfully so.
It’s Hardly Ever About Sex
If you automatically associate cheating with sex, you can’t possibly be in tune with your woman and her truest needs. Often, cheating can and does lead to sex, more than likely a woman who goes outside of her relationship is not looking for sexual gratification. I will not discount the division that can occur in a relationship when one or both parties are not sexually satisfied, however, I would stand to argue that more often than not, it’s the fulfillment of an emotional void that prompts a woman to open herself up to someone other than her significant other. Once she has connected with that person on a mental level, the likelihood that she will become impassioned enough to engage in sexual intercourse is significantly heightened.
Gluing Together Broken Pieces
Subscribing to the dismembered idea that two broken people can somehow fuse together to create one whole person is crushing. Women who depend on relationships to validate their self-worth put themselves in sensitive situations. The moment those relationships do not work out, they can drastically taint the way a woman views herself moving forward.
Women who depend on their partner to affirm their worth are more likely to venture outside of their relationship when their significant other does not assist in boosting her self-confidence. Women have to hear how beautiful we are. We have to know that we are special, loved, honored, and desired frequently. When a woman does not feel like her lover has a hunger for her, she may seek that praise from whomever she can get it from.
Revenge is the most damaging reason for a woman to cheat, but it happens. R. Kelly said it best, “when a woman’s fed up, it ain’t nothing you can do about it.” Some women are pushed to the point of no return, and in a foolhardy attempt to show their companion how painful infidelity can be, they make the decision to cheat too. The complication with this is that it rarely ever solves the problem, nor does it dilute the anger and sadness that the woman feels.
I’m sure we can build an exhaustive list of why people cheat, but we must never move too far away from the fact that cheating is always a choice. Contradicting popular belief, women are not really as unquenchable as some may think. The truth is that once we reach a certain age or level of maturity, we become better at recognizing our personal needs and articulating them to our significant other. If you listen, a woman will tell you precisely what she requires.
Women, unlike men, are much more strategic in their infidelity. Women typically become open to the idea of getting what they need outside of their relationship only after they believe they have done everything within their control to get those desires met within the relationship first.
A lot less impulsive than men, women are much more thoughtful and intentional about their choice to cheat. The irony lies in the reality that this is actually a good attribute, because it means that it is preventable.
The best preventable technique for cheating, regardless of gender, is communication. So, to the men who still care to see their woman smile, communicate with her as often as possible. Ask your woman if she happy. Ask her if she is missing anything? Is there something you lack and if so, how can you make it better? Realize that a woman who is loved properly will never venture outside of her commitment, but a woman who is lonely in her spirit, neglected, unappreciated, emotionally exhausted, resentful, and lacking the validation she needs will eventually stray. Sadly, if you ask a woman who has cheated why she did it, you will find that most of us just needed a little more tender love and care.
Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013, Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.