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Valentine’s Day: A Guide for Singles

Completely ignoring my transparent distaste every year, the makeshift holiday known as Valentine’s Day finds new ways to agitate my serenity. February 14th, which never subtly comes and goes, habitually finds new and creative ways to capitalize off of humanity’s emotional attachment to the fictitious “day of love.”

Yes, I despise V-day.

Maybe it is the delirium that is caused by having to look at pink and red everywhere I go. Or perhaps it’s the melodramatic displays of love via social media that make me dizzy.  Even if I could tolerate both of those factors, the heart-gushing pictures, memes, and love quote overdoses we are subjected to is quite cruel.

Cringing while reading this, I’m sure that V-day campaigners are more than willing to write me off as bitter, lonely, depressed, and angry by this point. On the contrary, I am happily in love. I have a wonderful partner and my relationship is padded with romance, love and affection.

My hostility in response to Valentine’s Day has nothing to do with past experiences or my current relationship status, but more about how the day makes some people feel. Sometimes plagued by my empathetic heart, I find it extremely difficult to revel in the delights of Valentine’s Day when I know that there are so many people swallowed by depression every February 14th.

Consumed by the notion that a fabricated holiday has the power to determine our self-worth, the obsession with this day causes many to question why they are not deserving of love. Just because you are single doesn’t mean this day has to be miserable.  Instead of roaming about aimlessly on February 14th, here are some Valentine’s Day survival tips to help you arrive at February 15th with minimal bumps and bruises.

Mute the love songs.

Something wicked happens to the mind when you are single and you hear love songs. On February 14th, you will unquestionably feel increasingly more sensitive. Abort any mission you may be tempted to embark on that begins with any song found on the Adele album. Not only should you avoid listening to sad love songs, heartbreak music is also off limits.  Mary J. Blige’s “Not Gon Cry” and tequila have never yielded a positive outcome, so if you want to survive Valentine’s Day, DO NOT mix depressing music with alcohol.

Execute a social media shut down.

Valentine’s Day is a perfect opportunity to detox from social media.  Getting through Valentine’s Day is not about isolating yourself from the world, but shifting how you focus your energy.  Instead of spending 24 hours of your precious life enviously watching other couples express their admiration for one another, make the conscious decision not to wallow in sadness. Tragically, we rely on relationships to validate us and neglect the importance of self-love. Spend some time alone reflecting on how you can improve your life.  If V-day is about love and admiration, honor yourself on this day!

Overindulge.

Not only is February 14th V-day, but it’s also, “do whatever the hell you want to” day for singles.  Commit to spending an entire day with no rules.  Eat what you want and as much as you want.  Have a drink or 3. Curl up on your sofa and catch up on the seasons of your favorite show, or get dressed up and step out for a night on the town.  Not only should you treat yourself to a day of spontaneous randomness, you should feel absolutely no guilt about it!

Be a bird. 

You are not the only person who is not in a relationship on Valentine’s Day, therefore, find your birds and fly. Flock to other single people. Call up your single friends and spend the day with them, or find local events in your city or town specifically for singles. Get out, mingle, and meet someone new.  The key here is to avoid the bitter and angry singles. These people only make you feel horrible about your relationship status. Instead, share the day with friends or family who are content with single-hood and who are looking to have a good time!

Water your own grass.

The lawn of couples will be vividly green on Valentine’s Day, or at least it will appear that way.  Remember that some will use Valentine’s Day to numb themselves from the reality of their relationship.  Not everyone who partakes in the absurdity of V-day is truly happy.  If you find yourself longing for what others have, or trolling the #RelationshipGoals hashtag, stay conscious of the fact that everything isn’t as it seems. Don’t purchase stock in the propaganda. Instead, give moisture to your yard and wait for someone to walk past and admire its beauty.

Remember that someone has it worse.

Vow to listen to someone’s story on Valentine’s Day.  The day may feel heavy to someone else for a different reason other than being single. Everyone we encounter has a story. Someone else is mourning the loss of their lifelong lover. Someone else may be missing their soldier. Others may be reminded of a break up they never quite healed from.  Open yourself up to receiving companionship in the form of friendship. Show compassion. Offer up some tender words of encouragement.  Make this day about performing simple gestures to make someone else smile. Consider those who can benefit from your kindness and head to a preschool, nursing home, or hospital.

And?

Surviving Valentine’s Day is not about distracting yourself from single-hood, but embracing it.  It’s less about wishing you had something you don’t and more about appreciating what you do have.  You don’t have a Valentine…And?  Who cares?  The day is no different than August 7th, or December 21st. This is just another day of the year and if you are doing life right, it’s another opportunity for you to work on bettering yourself!

Whatever you decide to do on Valentine’s Day, make sure it is to the extreme. Throughout the day, remind yourself that your true love awaits you and if you are preoccupied watching others, you may miss him or her.  If you are feeling especially giving on this day, spread love to those in need.  Most importantly, say “f*ck it.”  Refuse to allow anything or anyone other than yourself to authenticate your significance.

I pray you all seek and find everything you need and more. Move in love. Until we meet again lovers and friends, be well. Be prosperous. Be passionate.

Jazz Keyes New Image

Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013,  Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.