Six Tips: Don’t Just Leap into Love (Part 1)
In the Grown Zone, we constantly urge you to make access to your body (sex and powers of procreation), money (financial stability), home (personal safety) and heart (emotional security), the last things you give up to get a relationship or keep one going. Unfortunately, we are taught the opposite—to surrender one, more or all of these things to either prove our love, or to secure commitment from others. This “conventional wisdom” is the single biggest driver of unhealthy, adult-and-messy relationship choices. What we are telling you to do is to withhold access to these things until you absolutely know who you are dealing with—not just what they look like, what they have or what they can do, but who they are.
Newsflash: The point of dating people is to get to know who they are, to ascertain that they are safe for you—defined as ready, willing and able to engage in healthy relationships. The time to find out that he/she is no good/is a dog/ain’t sh-t isbefore you put your body, money, home and heart at risk. That way, if the relationship proves to be unhealthy—and the vast majority of relationships will—you can end it with a minimum of damage and long-term negative consequences. And remember, learning takes far more than just asking or assuming. Deceitful people will both outright lie as well as allow you to believe what best serves their agenda. The key to not being fuquitable—vulnerable to deceit and manipulation—is to not just trust, but to verify. What you don’t know can and will hurt you.
What do you need to know? Before you open your legs, your checkbook, your heart or your home to a relationship prospect, we’ve identified 13 things you must know about them. We’ll start with the first six:
Marital Status: We’re reminded of a joke one of our friends often tells. A handsome, impeccably dressed man meets an attractive woman while on an out-of-town business trip. When she inquires as to his marital status, he answers, with an inviting smile, “My wife and I are currently separated.” Not seeing a wedding band, she lets him buy her a few drinks and the night ends with passionate sex in his hotel suite. The next morning, she is dismayed when she wakes up to him on the phone with his wife. “I thought you two were separated?,” she asks. He replies, “We are, until tomorrow, when I get back from this business trip.” (For some reason, men find this joke funnier than women tend to.)
Read the rest in the Grown Zone…