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Ask Shan Tell'emJET Love

Love Advice: She Hates Me

Dear Shan Tell’em,

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend Darryl for about three months now. We’re great together, and my family loves him. I get along well with his two sisters, but for some reason his mother does not like me. I met her about two months into our relationship. She isn’t necessarily mean towards me, but you know how you can just kind of tell that someone does not care for you? My boyfriend says that it’s not that big of a deal, but I am very big on closeness among family and my significant other. He gets along with my parents just fine by the way. I really see our relationship going somewhere, so I don’t want to just say, “Oh well” if you know what I mean. How can I get her to like me?

Signed,

She Hates Me

black-woman-stressed

Dear She Hates Me,

Let me first start by saying that I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m big on impressions, and if my parents looked at my significant other funny, I’d take a closer look myself. It doesn’t mean that I’d end the relationship, but I would want to know what they see that I might be blinded by. With that being said, you cannot make someone like you. From the way this sounds, you did not offend the woman. People like that cannot be won over, because they have no reason to dislike you to begin with. You mentioned that your boyfriend has two sisters. I’m guessing he’s the only boy. If so, she could just be very territorial. A lot of mothers tend to think that no woman is good enough for their precious little boy (who is actually a grown man).  If that is the case, she will come around in time. I have a question for you. Is it that she does not like you, or moreso that you just expected a different response when you met her? Sometimes we let ourselves down by expecting a person to react a certain way. She could just be a very nonchalant person. Someone feeling indifferent about you doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. Just something for you to consider.

It’s important for us to realize that while we’d like for everyone to like us, that’s just not how things work. You could be the perfect person and someone will still find fault in you. My suggestion is that you work to control the things that you can, and in this case, it’s how you treat her. Don’t be phony, but do be kind, cordial and show respect; especially if she has not disrespected you. If your boyfriend isn’t making a big deal out of it, then neither should you. Just keep being you, and if you’re wonderful, she will have no choice but to fall in love with you just like her son did.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

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Shantell E. Jamison is a Chicago-based writer, radio personality, and cultural critic. She’s also JET Magazine’s Digital Content Editor. She’s been featured on WBEZ 91.5FM, “The Monique Caradine Show,” Vocalo 91.1FM, KDKA Newsradio 1020AM, WBGX 1570AM, WYCA 102.3FM, Chicago Now, The Grio, The Black Youth Project, The Gate Newspaper and “Launching Chicago with Lenny McAllister.” Her debut book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction: Simple Quotes on How to Achieve Your Best Self” is available now at Amazon.com.