JET Love

6 Keys to Sexual Confidence

I have the utmost respect for the men and women who commit to celibacy before matrimony, but I have no intentions of saving myself for marriage. Quickly approaching my prime, I am less than seven months away from the most sexually gratifying years of my life, my thirties..and, relationship or not, married or not, I plan to slay.

Past the age where sexual experiences are limited by moral condemnation, poor body image, clumsiness or inexperience, body counts, and/or the belief that sex is more about providing sexual pleasure than receiving, being inhibited by any of these factors is just not an option.

I refuse to be condemned for owning my satisfaction. I have every intention of strolling into my thirties, sexually self-assured and totally unashamed. Whether you be male or female, monogamous or engaging in a friends with benefits arrangement, or preserving your freak for that special someone, building your sexual confidence should be a priority.

Here are some tips for discovering and dominating your sexual energy.

1) Pretty young thang…

For a few years of my mid twenties, I refused to look at my high school pictures. Shortly after giving birth to my daughter, gravity grabbed hold of my body and showed my figure no mercy. The cellulite craters got deeper. I had stretch marks plastered across my once flawless stomach and nursing caused the type of drooping one does not expect to see until old age. Let me tell you, nothing kills a sex life like a person who is insecure about their body.

Sexual confidence begins and ends with self-perception. In order to fully appreciate your sexual experiences, you have to feel good about who you are, flaws and all. This not only requires physical changes, but a mental makeover. I was unhappy with my weight, so I started working out. I found that my level of sexiness significantly increased when my physical appearance was in tact. Fresh twists, matching bra and panties, and newly done mani and pedi empowered me mentally.

2) Deny yourself nothing.

Part of owning your sexuality is being able to clearly request what it is you desire from your partner. Asking your lover to appease you sexually requires that you first know what your intimate needs are.  If you aren’t in tune with what brings you gratification, you instinctively communicate to your lover that you will accept whatever it is they give, even if you are not completely satisfied.

3) Investigate and implement.

Sex doesn’t have to be trial and error. Knowledge is power does not only pertain to academics. A principal element of sexual confidence is the accumulation of insight and wisdom. Explore. Take the time out to get in tune with your body. If you have a sexual partner or if you are in a relationship, create an unrestricted and trusting environment where you both can discover the undiscovered layers of your sexuality.

4) Refuse to settle.

It’s unfortunate to admit, but at some point in our lives, many of us have settled for vanilla sex.  Earning Emmys for fake performances, a lack of gratification should never be the result of sex done properly. Part of being sexually confident is the refusal to accept substandard sex.

Don’t force yourself to exist in a relationship where watching paint dry tends to be more exciting than your sex life. Good sex is directly tied to good health. Revive your sex life. If you are not in a relationship, be sure to set appropriate expectations with your new lover out the gate.

5) Stimulate the senses.

Confidence is more than excellent execution. It’s the ability to stimulate all the senses before you even touch. Sexually seductive individuals have mastered the art of creating hunger. They release pheromones that make them irresistible. If your goal is to be sexually bold, you have to first understand that this begins outside the bedroom. It’s the way you walk. The tone of your voice. The way you command a room. Your posture and smile. Everything about your aura has to be exciting. Put this into practice. Commit to using your energy to command respect in every room that you enter. Watch how this translates when it’s time to dominate in the bedroom.

6) Stay in control of yourself.

Sex is a dangerous drug. Indulging in intercourse can cause an uproar of emotions. If you are not prepared, sex can easily complicate your life. Confidence is about owning and maintaining control over your own sexuality and emotions. Always keep yourself in check.  You have the right to say no. You can determine your own limits. You set the boundaries. Embrace your sexuality, but remember, you are in control of your wants.

Jazz Keyes New Image

Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013,  Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.