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5 Signs That You Aren’t Really A Sapiosexual

Whenever I talk to my boy about his recent online dating journey, he chats my ears off for hours over one seemingly innocuous infraction he witnessed on a young lady’s profile.

He started by telling me how too many women these days use heavily-filtered and photoshopped pictures: “Bruh, even she know she don’t look like that!”—which eventually lead to him complaining about women’s “high standards.” I usually try to talk him off the ledge—essentially convincing him not to shut his account down to become a monk and living a life of celibacy—but his most recent complaint sparked an interesting conversation between us.

Throughout the past year, he’s been noticing that a lot of women identify themselves as “sapiosexuals.” After learning the definition, i.e. someone who finds intelligence to be the most attractive feature over all other qualities, he scoffed at the idea that women were really checking for dudes based primarily on their IQ points and SAT scores. Once I informed him that many dudes are out here calling themselves sapiosexuals too, he scoffed even harder. My friend struggled to believe that men were really vetting women they’ve never met, solely on the strength of their intellectual fortitude.

In his opinion, 98.66% of people claiming to be sapiosexuals are straight up liars. I countered by saying that it’s truly impossible to know what someone’s real attraction is since that intel is lodged in a part of our minds that most of us aren’t comfortable letting anyone else know about. But where we agreed is that there probably are some folks who are calling themselves sapiosexuals in a pretentious attempt at self-aggrandizement.

While I personally find ZERO worth in attaching these titles to oneself, I understand the allure of using that title as a method of attraction. But for those of you who take the term seriously, there’s a possibility that you aren’t really a sapiosexual, which is completely OK. Here are five ways to know that maybe, just maybe, you aren’t the sapiosexual you think you are.

1) You’re an inverse-sapiosexual.

You don’t really care how smart someone is; you just care that they aren’t stupid.

2) You’re superficial.

I don’t know why superficial is such a pejorative in the dating world, but it’s a title more people need to embrace. Physical attraction isn’t the first step to finding love. It’s the prerequisite, and you shouldn’t be ashamed for desiring an amorous relationship with someone you actually appreciate looking at. Superficiality, from a dating perspective, doesn’t mean that you don’t care about anything else. It just means that looks are damn important (as they should be).

3) You’re addicted to brainless activities.

According to my informal research, 93% of relationships will at some point mostly devolve into eating, having sex, and watching TV. For working couples, binge watching a new Netflix series is an awesome way to relax. It’s also somewhat brainless, depending on what you watch. The point is, there are sapiosexuals that love intellectually stimulating exercises and there’s couple who don’t.

4) You’re into chemistry.

Intellectual profundity can be incredibly attractive, but it isn’t automatic that your cerebral connection will produce emotional chemistry. “Out of this world” chemistry can possibly occur from dating someone who functions at a high cognitive level, but sometimes it can occur from dating someone who is loving, kind, considerate and passionate. Though they may not be “Katherine Johnson” from Hidden Figures smart, some of us just need someone with a good heart.

5) You’re attracted to intelligence, but it’s just not number one.

If you have a list of potential “wants” in a partner that’s somewhat evenly balanced, or places intelligence on par with other traits, you may not be a sapiosexual. But that doesn’t mean you have substandard expectations. It probably means you’re just a smart person who realizes the importance of weighing someone in totality before deciding that they are or aren’t good enough for you.

Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site, ThisIsYourConscious.com. He’s author of the book, “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer.” He can be reached on Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at Lincoln Anthony Blades.