JET Love

The Power of Soul Ties


I was in a relationship where I saw no way out. A constant tug of war between my mind and my heart, there became a breaking point where I wasn’t sure if I was coming or going. The rational part of me was looking for the nearest escape every moment of every day. The emotional side, which was clearly flawed, wanted to make this man love me.

Convinced there was something I could do to get him to see that if he could focus on one woman, I could be all he ever needed. He couldn’t see it and I could no longer existence in this relationship. Yet, despite every desperate attempt to free myself from the bondage, I ended each day feeling more defeated than the previous.

Why was I so helpless when it came to this man?

Whether you’re a religious person or not, soul ties is a theory that can be explained and understood by anyone. It’s the idea that certain actions can connect you to a person and cause you to bond in a way that is not easily broken. Typically, soul ties are said to come from sex. It’s the physical act of giving yourself to another person that makes you vulnerable to such a connection.

In a healthy relationship, sexual intercourse is used to unify two people in a way that is nurturing and empowering. It is the manner in which a couple shows their love and commitment to one another. However, in a volatile, hostile or unhealthy relationship like mine, sex causes you to tie your soul to someone who is disempowering and damaged.

While it is fairly easy to recognize healthy and emotionally rich soul ties, it is not as easy to identify the unhealthy ones. As a woman who has experienced both, I offer these signs. Here is how you know you your soul is tied to an unhealthy person:

1) Intercourse isn’t an act of celebration and procreation in your relationship.

Engaging in intercourse with your partner is something that should be enjoyable. It intertwines your energies and should leave you both feeling loved, adored, appreciated and gratified. If you are engaging in intercourse with your partner, but you are left feeling hollow, unappreciated, used, or dirty, you are experiencing a negative emotional reaction to your mate in a way that should be addressed. If there is no resolution or if the reason for your experience is based on the state of the relationship, it’s time to separate.

2) You obsess over your love in a detrimental way.

Your thoughts about your partner invade your mind in a forceful way that is never positive. You constantly are dreading the next time you will be in their presence. You are haunted by the idea of what they may be doing and who they may be with, and/or you are unable to disconnect from the pain of past hurt caused by them. These feelings may exist even after the relationship has ended.

3) Without realizing it, you inherently embody their behaviors.

I remember when I left my relationship I unknowingly started treating people the same way my ex treated me. I was so tied to my ex that I had adopted his ways. They say that you have to be careful because if you lay down with dogs, you are bound to get up with fleas. This saying reminds us that there is no way around it; you will ultimately become who you exchange with in the physical sense, so be mindful about who you choose.

4) Your support base is dwindling.

My friends were exhausted trying to support me in this toxic love affair. My family was overflowing with frustration. Everyone around me could see that this relationship was dragging me down, but no one knew how to assist me. When your soul is tied to a person in a harmful way, you will drain everything around you. No matter how miserable you are, you will make excuses for why you cannot or will not leave. When pressured by those who love you, you may even be willing to terminate your relationship with them if it means you can hold on to your lover. This is the power of an unhealthy soul tie.

5) A negative soul tie is evidenced by the constant feeling of being tormented.

If you want to know if you are connected to a person in a destructive way, monitor how you feel on a daily basis. Examine how you feel in their company. If you are living in a constant state of sadness, hopelessness, confinement, and depression, you’re bonded to your partner in a several unhealthy ways. A negative soul tie will cause you to believe that love is supposed to feel like sadness and misery, where you are unable to see no light at the end of the tunnel.

The feeling or attempt to disconnect yourself from someone is the first sign that something isn’t right. We do not separate or distance ourselves from the things that bring us pleasure. The upside is that there is hope for severing the connection. It begins with a decision to live and love differently. Know that just as daunting as negative soul ties can be, positive soul ties are equally as powerful.

Tying yourself to the wrong person is the most influential love lesson you will learn in this lifetime. It prepares you for the world in a way that only pain and heartache can. The beauty is it teaches you everything that love is not, and moving forward you get to choose differently.

Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @jazzkeyes.