8 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit
We all want to know the formula for that mystical love concoction. The recipe for the passion flavored elixir that instantly turns our lover’s hearts into putty when ingested. Not only will they be completely enamored by us, but the irresistible allure of our pheromones causes them to impatiently yearn for the moment they can call us “wife.”
Ruthlessly snatched from our illusion of love, women today are met with quite the opposite reality. Instead of men falling to their knees with diamonds and promises of happiness, we are caught in a matrix of pseudo date nights that commence with Netflix and conclude with articles of clothing spewed across the bedroom, kitchen, and living room floor.
Our female parts alone can’t magically transform a man into a husband. It won’t even get a brotha to have a conversation about relationships that doesn’t start with, “I don’t really believe in titles.” If it were truly that simple, we wouldn’t have so many women with good loving and good hearts seeking genuine companionship.
Women are fatigued by the redundant regiment of “almost relationships.” Here are some reasons why men are leery to commit.
1. Too much pressure.
Ladies, we can be very thorough and calculated individuals, sometimes to a fault. Most of us have a timeline in our heads of exactly how long it should take from the first date to “I dos.” The further we move away from our, “I should be married by now” schedule, the more anxious we feel.
Submerged in our own thoughts and our own gratification, we begin to put our partners under intense interrogation. We become short-tempered and restless. We despairingly question whether or not our relationship will ever lead to our fairy tale of “happily ever after.”
Placing pressure on a man and giving him any kind of ultimatum is damaging to your quest for commitment. While you think it may be pushing things along in your relationship, it is actually causing more distress on your partner, which will eventually produce the opposite result.
Solution: First of all, you don’t want a man who you have to coerce in any way to be with you. When a man is ready to give himself to you solely, you won’t have to exert your energy trying to sell yourself like a product.
As an alternative to pressuring him, be patient and go with the flow. Set appropriate boundaries and fair time limits. If he doesn’t show any real interest in getting serious with you, move on.
The most valuable thing you can do for yourself is to spend as much time as possible improving your life. That way, if he never rises to the occasion, you aren’t leaving with nothing when you walk away.
2. Men won’t commit because they don’t have to.
Growing up, my momma used to tell me, “a man won’t buy the cow when you put the milk in the glass and let them drink it for free.” Men are currently receiving the benefits of having a wife, but with no commitment.
Solution: Make them earn the luxury of your love. This doesn’t mean play games or try to “trick” a man into commitment. This simple means make him work for you. If you start off giving him everything he desires and not requiring anything in return, you can’t suddenly turn around and demand that he put in more effort.
3. You Lack aspirations.
Contrary to everything we have been propagandized to believe about how and why men choose their mates, it is not solely about the physical attraction. When a man is looking for someone to build a rich legacy with, he will seek out a woman who is ambitious, driven, and capable of taking his vision and expounding upon it.
If you lack passion and perseverance he may be hesitant to commit to you. Why? If you do not have dreams and foresight as to the direction you’re going in life, you will be extra baggage on his journey.
A man may entertain you. He will enjoy your meals, spend time in your company and lay with you, but trust, in the back of his mind, he will be questioning if you are the woman who can help him excel in his full potential.
Solution: Before entering into a relationship, invest in your own life. Be passionate about yourself and make sure that passion has nothing to do with a man. When a man recognizes that you are a powerhouse and a possible commodity to his future success, the likelihood he will want to snatch you up before another man does significantly increases.
4. You’re too much work or way too easy.
Men desperately seek balance and peace in their lives. They tend to run away from women who are too high maintenance and/or women who give it up too easily. Both scare him.
Solution: There is nothing wrong with being a woman with impeccable standards. The issue with being high maintenance is when you demand more from your partner than you bring to the table. You want a man to bring finances, emotional stability, godlike physique, etc., but the return from you is minimal.
On the contrary, if you are a woman who makes everything too easy for a man, he will never respect your value. Don’t create an environment where a man can have a warm home, a cooked meal, support, access to your finances, and the life of a king, when he is treating you like a footstool or a peasant as opposed to his counterpart or his queen.
5. What you bring to the table leaves him constantly questioning if he can do better.
Unlike women who sometimes have a tendency to fall in love with the potential of a man, men can be much more selective when it’s time to choose their life partner. They are looking for specific traits in their woman and until they see indistinguishable characteristics in you that they haven’t seen in other women, they will be slow to commit.
Solution: Knowing what you have to offer that makes you unique. Ex: I am an executor. If you share an idea with me, 99% of the time I either have the skills, the resources, or the tenacity to bring it into fruition. As women, we have to know our skills and talents. Not only is it going to be valuable to our future husband, it will decrease the chances of you wasting your time on a man who is not equally yoked.
6. He doesn’t think you will make a good wife.
Women are easily consumed with the emotions of the moment. The relationship is going well, the connection is strong, and the sex is good. While women often get caught up in the moment, men think well in advance. They are watching your behaviors and actions. They are attempting to determine whether or not he could see himself spending the rest of his life with you.
Solution: Don’t assume you are fulfilling your partner’s needs. Ask questions. Be sure not to be defensive, and take any criticism that is given as an opportunity to improve.
7. You aren’t his first choice.
As disappointing as this may be, he may not be committing to you because his heart is elsewhere. Men know who they want and if they cannot have the woman they truly want, they may decide to settle for the warmth of any woman rather than no woman at all.
8. You represent a loss of freedom.
You enter a man’s life and get comfortable as his girlfriend. After a while, you start imposing unrealistic expectations on him. You want to regulate his friendships, force him to fit into your cookie cutter mold for a relationship, and slowly your love feels like handcuffs. Once commitment starts to feel like a prison sentence, you can consider any chance of true commitment obsolete.
Solution: You cannot center your life around a man. Make sure that you have things going for yourself outside of your significant other. If you don’t, you will suffocate him. Give him his space and allow him time away from you to just breathe.
Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013, Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.