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No Sex? Why Russell Wilson & Ciara Are #Winning

Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson sat down with Pastor Miles McPherson for a one-on-one interview on Sunday. What he told the man of the cloth undoubtedly shocked the public.

Wilson, who has been linked to R&B singer Ciara for months now, finally spoke publicly about their relationship. His announcement? The two were abstaining from sex.

“I met this girl named Ciara, who is the most beautiful woman in the world,” he exclaimed. “She’s the most kind person, the most engaging person. She was on tour, she was traveling, and I was looking at her in the mirror. God spoke to me and said, ‘I need you to lead her,’ and I was like, ‘Really? Right now?’ He goes, ‘No, I want you and need you to lead her.’ I knew that God had brought me into her life to bless her and for her to bless me, and to bless so many people with the impact that she has, that I have,” he said. “Nobody’s perfect, but He’s anointed us to do something miraculous, something special.”

Wilson spoke with the “Like A Boy” singer about it and the rest is history.

As to be expected, some are looking at Russell and Ciara like they’re crazy. I was listening to a local morning radio show earlier today and one of the personalities straight up said, “It wouldn’t be me!” A lot of people called in and shared his sentiment. The one host who argued a different perspective did not do so before adding the disclaimer that, “she does not agree with it.” My social media timeline echoed the same notion. Some even went as far to say that he is going to get a sidechick. Shameful.

While an attractive, famous couple declaring their abstinence isn’t something that you might hear regularly, I commend it.

I don’t commend the move because I’m a Christian and they’re doing it because Russell says the Lord told him so. I don’t commend it because I’m a proponent of celibacy. I commend it because the two are doing something great. They are exercising their sexual freedom. I get it. People usually don’t apply the term “sexual freedom” to instances where the act of sex ISN’T involved. But in this instance, I am.

The term, defined by the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance is as follows:

the fundamental human right of all individuals to develop and express their unique sexuality. It lies at the heart of the promise of human dignity, self-determination, and equality embodied in both the U.S. Constitution and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Some go as far as to define sexual freedom as being able to sleep with whoever you want on your own terms, and not allowing gender or religious doctrine to dictate your sexual behavior. Others view it as simply being a non-restrictive sexual norm that is regarded positively.

All of these definitions are valid in my opinion. One could argue that Russell and Ciara are allowing religious doctrine, in this case the Bible, to influence their decision. But the counterargument to that lies both the first definition, and in the final definition of sexual freedom being a “non-restrictive sexual norm that is regarded positively.”

There was once a point in time when the “Jesus Way,” as Wilson so cutely referred to celibacy, was the norm. Today, not so much. Sex between two consenting unmarried adults is very common and widely accepted these days.

There’s a significant amount of pressure placed on everyone to do the nasty. Always has been. It isn’t just a “guy thing” or a “teen thing” or a “single, sexy and free” thing. It isn’t a “feminist thing.” No one is safe. Hell, look at Viagra and other male sexual enhancement pills primarily targeted towards middle-aged to senior citizen level men. Even the old folks are being hit with the pressure to “get it in.”

With the overwhelming amount of persuasion to have sex, I commend Russell and Ciara for defining their own relationship. I commend them for wanting to take things slow and BUILD on the other elements that are necessary for a successful relationship to grow and thrive. By opting not to engage in sexual activity, as a unit, both Russell and Ciara are revealing just how seriously they are taking their relationship. This isn’t to say that those who aren’t celibate do not take their relationships just as seriously. My point is to simply highlight the level of investment these two are putting into each other despite the very common reward of sexual gratification.

Am I an advocate for abstinence? Not necessarily. Do I believe that everyone should wait until marriage to have sex? Can’t say that either. But what I do believe in is consenting adults having the freedom of choice to define their own relationship, and because of that, Russell and Ciara have my blessing. Sex does not always equal value in a relationship. Perhaps if more people slowed down and took control of their sexuality, there would be a lot more authentic, genuine connections.

Your turn: How do you ensure that you’re defining your own sexuality/relationship? Email us at digitalpitches@ebony.com or simply comment in the section below! And don’t forget to join us on Twitter every Wednesday at 3PM CST for a live discussion on love and relationships. Keep up with the conversation via the #AskShanTellem hashtag. 

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Shantell E. Jamison is a Chicago-based writer, radio personality, and cultural critic. She’s also JET Magazine’s Digital Content Editor. She’s been featured on WBEZ 91.5FM, “The Monique Caradine Show,” Vocalo 91.1FM, KDKA Newsradio 1020AM, WBGX 1570AM, WYCA 102.3FM, Chicago Now, The Grio, The Black Youth Project, The Gate Newspaper and “Launching Chicago with Lenny McAllister.” Her debut book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction: Simple Quotes on How to Achieve Your Best Self” is available now at Amazon.com.