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JET Love

You’re Single & You’re Still Enough

I remember reading a blog post from a previous coworker who had recently got married.  The subject was about dating, particularly how if you are finding yourself in the singles category, it’s probably because you’re “whack.”

I remember this guy quite well. He was intelligent, well spoken, and rather attractive, but at the time, he had hints of a–hole sprinkled in his personality. There’s nothing wrong with that. He found someone that loved him for his sometimes abrasive ways and by all accounts, he seems very happy. But at the time, I comprehended his current state in life as being the guy who finally lucked up on love who now wants to school the rest of us “single folk” on how we really ain’t s***.  With some time and insight, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I’m backtracking on my stance, but I will say that I understand.

I didn’t want to be the first to admit that the real cause for my seemingly eternal singledom was kind of my fault.  I mean, I’m cool, cute (damn anyone else that doesn’t agree), and equally intelligent.  I don’t have any kids or some checklist of things I need from a man to make sure that he is the one for me.  I’ve dated men that made seven figures and I’ve dated struggling artists.

But, if I were to give this guy any credence at all, there were parts of me that were, well, “whack.”

There are a thousand brothers out there who tell sistas that they are the problem. I’m constantly reminded about what a woman “needs to do” to make a home for her man.  And somewhere along the line, I lost myself in their checklist of what I brought to the table, forgetting that my authentic self was left somewhere still in the kitchen. That is what made me “whack.”

People were seeing my best self, rather than my true self.  I would do somersaults to fit the ideal woman stereotype instead of just accepting every little intricate, complicated part of who I was. As a result, I only attracted those that could love my presentation and not the gift that I am. Because of that, I had a plethora of people entering my life telling me about how imperfect I was, and I made it easy for them.  It takes so much to accept the scars you have, and those that are not willing to understand them are sometimes more willing to add to them.

To anyone reading this, my only message is to remind you that whatever you are, you are a work in progress. You are not a complete picture and you shouldn’t expect to be, but it should be your choice to work on these little crooked corners whenever you want.  Fall in love with someone who is willing to love your broken parts, because that person will love them back together.  There is something beautiful in the tiny holes and crevices that life creates in our spirit. It makes us survivors.  It makes us unique. And it sure as hell doesn’t make you “whack.”

Tiffany Turner is originally from Chicago. She currently lives and works in Dallas, Texas.