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The Business of Celibacy

Typically when I share the fact that I’m celibate with people, they tend to cock their heads to the side, force a polite smile and say, “Oh, are you religious or something?”  And, yeah, I am religious, BUT aside from being a religious person, I also happen to be a businesswoman.  And if you’re a woman on the dating scene, celibacy can be very good for business.

How?

Well, I would never generalize and say that the number one thing all men want from women is sex, but I will go ahead and say sex is in the top two.  And that’s not the top two things he’ll want from you on the first date or in the first 90 days. Sex is going to be something that a guy’s going to want from you for life.

Think about the top two things you could ever want from him in life—the deed to an off-shore property, the password to his cell phone, fidelity, a marriage, you name it.  Has he given you any of them? No? So why give him what he wants from you the most when he hasn’t given you what you want from him in return? The word “business” is defined as “the exchange of goods and services.” Sometimes, we ought to be savvier about what exactly it is we’re exchanging.

He wants sex?  Fantastic.  But you have needs and wants, too, right? So don’t settle for a couple of cheap meals and Netflix nights when you know you really want so much more!  When he brings up sex—and trust me, he’ll definitely be the one to bring it up—tell him that you’ll consider it at the point in the relationship when he’s willing to offer a marriage (my personal recommendation), a new car, or something else that you’d really, really like him to give you.

Now to be entirely honest, there’s always a chance that he’ll balk at the idea of actually having to do something to earn your body.  He may even threaten to move on to a woman with lower standards.  But remember, this is business, not a garden party.

Call his bluff. Tell him to move on because if he’s willing to leave you over sex that means that he was a lazy dude who was trying to get something for nothing anyway.  Secondly, it never really occurs to men to betray who they are just to be with you.  So why would you ever low-ball yourself by giving a guy the best parts of your body when you know he hasn’t done everything you want him to do for you in return?  That doesn’t make any sense.  Thirdly, and perhaps most important, if he threatens to walk over sex, you have to let him go in order to avoid falling victim to an illusory promise.

Illusory promises are the promises good businesswomen avoid like the plague. An illusory promise is the sort of promise that says if you definitely do this for me, I may do that for you.  For example, “If you definitely give me sex, I may make you my girlfriend,” or “If you definitely have sex with me, I may stop sending you to voicemail when you call my phone.”  And that’s exactly why these promises are called illusions, because, well, they’re so darn difficult to enforce.  If you don’t remain celibate until you get some guarantees, that’s EXACTLY the sort of promise you’ll be setting yourself for.

So, if you want to have sex, I certainly can’t stop you. But when you do it, be a boss about yours. Make sure to drive a hard bargain.  Let your terms be known upfront; and remember, those that demand the best usually get it.

Keep up with Sylvia Snowden at www.trulysylvia.com