JET Love

Why Women Love Bad Boys!

Nothing screams girl time like women peeling off the most intimate and personal layers of their relationship. Identical to the life lessons men gather up at the barber shop, girls’ night is where women find a safe place to vent their frustrations, learn the appropriate dating protocol and work through how to handle relationship mishaps.

The only other place women feel protected enough to have these conversations is with their trusted guy friend. We all know this guy. We, “awwwww” him and thank him for being there for us when our sh*tty boyfriend hurts us. Using him as a 24-hour rebound, we take for granted the preciousness of his companionship. He always takes the moral high road and stays committed to the friendship, despite longing for the opportunity to show you how a man should treat a woman. He will never pressure you and you will never notice him.

I imagine that good men are just about fed up with having to keep the friend zone warm while the not-so-deserving men play the field.

Nothing prompts a woman to perfect her defense like loving the wrong man. Unfortunately, this leaves the good guys with convincing women that not all men have ill intentions. In fact, there are some men who cherish the existence of women. So, the question arises, if real men are still in existence, why are so many women drawn to the “bad boys?”

Infatuated with the alluring energy of bad boys, women obsess over these men because we naively believe the following:

Bad boys are more skilled in the bedroom.

I’ve come to learn over the years, the more a man speaks about his level of bedroom mastery, the less like it is that he can actually live up to his own hype.

Despite knowing this, women subconsciously associate the bad boy persona with heightened sexual pleasure. The aroma of a man’s arrogance is intoxicated and we stumble from its potency. We make the mistake of not being able to differentiate between insecurity wrapped in cockiness and confidence coddled in silence.

Don’t underestimate the good ones. Just because they are motivated by the need to be heard doesn’t mean they are any less qualified to deliver results than the boisterous one.

Good guys are easy to walk over.

At a young age, we learn that men are supposed to be burly, aggressive, and emotionless. The issue with raising women to view men through these lenses is that the moment she crosses paths with a kind and emotionally aware man, she will emasculate him.

The way we are designed to understand manhood leaves us desperately seeking out men who will assert unnecessary power and feel hollow when he behaves in a way that is hurtful. Bad boys are trained to “act” like men, but never taught how to be men. So, he will offer his woman a false sense of security because his number one priority will always be self.

Contrary to what many women believe, good guys are not pushovers. They just do not feel the need to overcompensate. Their masculinity does not have to be validated by the masses. Instead, they are gentle in their communication and conclusive in the decision-making process. Their power comes from being man enough to consider the needs and wants of their partner before their own.

It’s just something about him.

If you ever hear a woman talk about a “bad boy,” it will often be a semi-moan followed by, “It’s just something about him.” A woman held captive by lust will often have a difficult time justifying her dealings with a bad boy outside of the fact that he is an exemplary mix of charm, danger and humor. Bad boys ooze pheromones that convince women they are powerless to their sex appeal.

Until a woman is mentally mature enough to step outside of her lust, she will always be more prone to that which feels good to her as opposed to that which is actually good for her.

Good men aren’t adventurous enough.

I can not tell you how many people value entertainment over knowledge. We see this in religion, education and politics. We oppose raw truth and embrace that which makes us feel gratification in that moment. The same applies to relationships. Until a woman is ready to make informed decision about her life and future, she will give her attention to that which feels good, not that which holds her responsible.

We believe that bad boys will provide us with a life full of excitement and adventure, while silencing that voice in our head that reminds us that the excitement we crave will come at a cost. Until a woman is able to maturely revisit her idea of what an exhilarating life looks like, she will be reduced to thinking that partying and living on edge is ideal.

With growth a woman will eventually find fulfillment in other activities such as, traveling, culture and family.  Until then she will not understand the value of a good man.

We think we can change him.

Bad boys represent a challenge to women. We naively believe that we reign supreme to other women if we can get a known misfit to straighten up and change his ways. These types of relationship are nothing more that two insecure people looking to one another for affirmation.

Good men present little challenge to women because they do not believe in making their partners jump through hoops and run through fire. Their primary focus is on enhancing the life of the woman they love. A woman with low self-esteem will have difficulty processing the lack of hardship that will come from dating a good man. She has spent so long managing her chaos that she will believe that relationships must have drama and if not, it is only a matter of time before the ball drops.

You will never hear me bash bad boys, but not every woman needs to cross paths with the wrong man in order to appreciate a good one.

While it may appear that good men finish last, this could not be further from the truth. The reality is that bad boys are often entertaining women who may still need some work. While good guys often have delayed gratification and are forced to watch women subject themselves to the wrong men, these women are not yet ready to receive what a good man has to offer.

Jazz Keyes New Image

Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013,  Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.