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How Soul Searching Can Reveal Your Soulmate

Like an unexpected surprise, sometimes your soulmate just lands in your lap. This person mystically enters your life with no warning or foreshadowing. It’s as if they invited themselves into your heart boldly and you have no say in the matter! At least those are the stories I’ve been told from people who honor the idea that each of us has a soulmate roaming this earth.

Many describe this love affair with words like, “instant connection,” “unexplainable,” and “natural.” They may tell you that without hesitation, they could feel the other person’s presence with such intensity, to the point where they couldn’t dare let a love like that escape.

For individuals who have grown weary in their quest for love, “You had me at hello” love stories serve as faith boosters. As many individuals anxiously prepare for their serendipitous romantic experience, the ability to witness a soul connection is inspiring.

You may be at a place in your life where you are questioning what needs to happen to create a sacred space for love to enter. Before making the request for true love, I suggest taking time out to soul search by asking yourself the following questions.

Do I know who I am, wholeheartedly?

I recently spoke at an empowerment brunch in Tennessee. I asked the women in attendance, “What happens when you do not have an identity of your own?” One of the women responded, “You will try anything.”

This is truth. Before love can exist in your life, there has to be an intimate relationship with self. Soul searching is about connecting with yourself. It’s the process of coming into a deeper understanding of who you are. At your core, what qualities do you need in a soulmate? How do you want to be loved? If you do not have your own identity, your interactions with others will begin to define who you are. The idea is not to be shaped by your relationship, but to be polished or enhanced by your partner.

Is love a priority for me right now?

It’s perfectly OK to question your motives. You want to make sure that your reasons for asking for love are authentic. Wanting companionship is not a reason to seek out love. This declaration will give temporary people permission to come into your life. You must be in a concrete mental and spiritual state to welcome love into your life. Relationships are not about finding delight in another person. They’re about one’s willingness to give another human being access to their gifts.

If you are not in tune with what those gifts are, you’ll be unable to offer them to others because you are out of sync with your own worth.Enjoying the pleasure of your own uniqueness allows you to assess your value. Knowing your value dictates who you engage with romantically.

Is love a necessity for me to be happy?

Analyzing yourself is instrumental to the process of uncovering your truths. If at any point you rationalize your dating behavior based on a need, know that you are working against your divine self. Here’s what I mean. Dating with the intention of fulfilling a specific need leaves you unprotected and vulnerable. Before you seek out love, make sure it is not tied to a financial, sexual, or emotional deficiency. Don’t date because you need a second income. Don’t date because you’re longing for sexual pleasure. Don’t date because you are lonely.

Date when you have found bliss in these areas of your life. This will shift your energy. Instead of oozing desperation, you will exude contentment, and will naturally draw in people who are in the same state of health.  You don’t want someone who honors your brokenness because in return, they will request that you be patient in their growing pains. That’s not a situation that is beneficial for either people.

Am I truly ready to open up?

The one thing that love will always require of you is trust. You have to trust that your chosen partner has your best interest at heart. You have to believe the union you are so heavily investing in will ultimately yield empowering results. Most importantly, you have to trust that you are safe enough with your lover that you can allow them to know you in an intimate manner. If the thought of opening yourself up to another causes you great anxiety or sends you into a panic state, there are some underlying issues you need to deal with internally before you can exist in a relationship.

If you are not ready, for whatever the reason (i.e., heart break, insecurities, past pain, etc), that’s OK. Treat yourself as you would a child. Be extremely patient and gentle with your heart. Don’t push yourself into the world before you are ready. No, you should not stay in a shell forever, but ask for love when you are willing to trust it and not a minute before.

Too often the fantasies of what love could be may overshadow the reality what love is. It’s messy, demanding, and labor intensive. Search deep within and make sure that your mind and heart are aligned. Do you know who you are? Should love be a priority for you? Or should other work you need to do first have your attention? Figure out if this is something you are truly ready for.

Jazz Keyes New Image

Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013,  Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.