4 Reasons Why You’re Unhappy in Love
Thank God for growth!
I know I am not the only person who has taken a stroll down memory lane and wanted to take a leap off the nearest bridge thinking about some of the people I dated in my past. I legit had to ask myself, “What in the hell were you thinking?”
I find humor in past decisions because I recognize that all of my choices, good and bad, have molded me into the woman I am today. I realize that there was a period in my life where I dated well below my standards, and settled for conditions that were unfavorable to my advancement. I endured disrespect at unimaginable levels.
I’ve loved individuals who had no way of contributing anything of substance to my existence. The worst part about it was that I was completely unaware of how low my expectations had become. I pushed myself to explore why I granted low quality partners access to my heart, mind, soul and body at this point in my life. I determined there were four reasons why people like myself are willing to accept mediocre lovers.
1) Low self-worth.
I read a quote yesterday that said, “You date at the level of your self-esteem.” This is accurate. Your self-worth acts as a magnet. What you attract is a direct indication of what you subconsciously believe you deserve. If you internally believe that you are unworthy of a person who possesses all of the key attributes you desire, you will attract an unworthy person. The more you come to love yourself and know what you are capable of offering a partner, the less likely it is that you will be willing to settle for whatever shows up at your doorstep. The key to attracting better candidates is to work on yourself. If your desire is to encounter a specific type of man or woman, make sure you possess the attributes you require.
2) You are lost.
Be intentional about what you are doing and why. We all should have a destination in mind, but without a map, a plan, and the resources to protect us on our journey, the likelihood of us ever reaching our final destination greatly decreases. The same applies to relationships. You may convince yourself that you want a mate, but if you are unsure of what your motive for acquiring a relationship is or why you feel you need love, you are merely walking yourself in circles. Be confident in what it is that you are looking for and what value a spouse can add to your life. This will prevent you from wandering the world with another lost soul.
3) You lie to yourself.
A wise woman once told me, “The worst lie you can tell is a lie to yourself.” At the time, we were discussing the fidelity of my partner and I was attempting to convince myself that he was being faithful, despite knowing deep in my gut he was not committed to our relationship. You may be attracting low quality lovers because you have developed a habit of lying to yourself. Everything about the character and behavior of the person you’re attracting tells you that they have no means or intentions of serving your higher self. But for some reason, you force yourself to believe that they are more valuable than they really are. What this communicates to your lovers is that you will take whatever they offer, even if they come empty-handed. Your willingness to ignore all of the red flags for the sake of companionship will constantly put you and your heart in a vulnerable state.
4) You suffer from “Captain Save a Hoe” syndrome.
Falling in love with a person’s potential is one of the most dangerous things you can ever do. Loving someone based on the hope of who they may become will leave you bitter and resentful. One reason you may be attracting low quality mates is because you are a habitual saver. You look at broken men and women and sincerely believe that you can somehow love that person hard enough to change them. This hardly ever works out in the favor of the rescuer. You exhaust all of your energy attempting to help another person realize their potential and you completely forget about yourself. Instead of looking at lovers like a wounded animal, start seeking out potential mates who are already healthy and in control of their lives.
Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013, Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.