7 Tips for Dating Someone Ambitious
We tend to focus on the classic reasons why relationships can go sour (i.e., lying, cheating, abuse, etc), never realizing that a lack of compatibility can force a wedge between any couple. More often than not, the termination of a relationship is the result of two people who, at their core, are incompatible, and unable to respect the aspects of each other’s personality that they could not understand.
When we try to force our partners to pour nicely into the molds we’ve created, we are challenging their natural instinct to shape themselves however they may choose. Often, this occurs in relationships where one person is naturally ambitious and driven and the other is more relaxed and settled.
One of the worse things you can do is attempt to fit your ambitious partner into a conventional mold, or try to change anyone for that matter. I’ve been on the receiving end and it isn’t fun. If you happen to be interested in/involved with an ambitious person, here are seven things you need to know.
1) They will choose work over a date night.
Sometimes, I prefer to work instead of going out with my significant other. The pressure to appease their loneliness would frequently force me out of my zone and into a dress and heels for an evening of distracted dining, rushed conversations, and unsettled energy. The whole time I’m on the date, I’d be taking notes and answering work emails. I would end the night frustrated because I missed hours of work.
Advice: Set a mandatory date night once or twice a week. This is an opportunity for your partner to break away from work and a chance for you to get the affection and attention you need. If at any point you feel you are on the back burner, express this to your partner and offer some suggestions for how to resolve this.
2) Don’t be intrusive.
When your partner is occupied with their work, the worst thing you can do is to be intrusive. It will not only frustrate your significant other, but more than likely you will feel rejected.
Advice: It is a mistake to think that you can distract your mate from work with sex or other ploys. When the focus is high and the thoughts are flowing, intimacy is the last thing on your partner’s mind. Learn when your partner is in his or her flow and give them space to create.
3) We grind together, we eat together.
Ambitious people do not want to constantly have to explain to their mates why they work so many hours, why they can’t come to bed early, why they haven’t texted back, etc. It takes too much energy. We want, and deserve someone who understands our lifestyle.
Advice: Get on your hustle. When you are driving yourself towards an end goal, there’s less time to be focused on what your partner is doing every second of the day.
4) Our minds are always in overdrive.
If you are dating a highly motivated individual, know that your partner will never stop finding new ways to express themselves or generate income. In the heart of a driven person lives passion. Often, we may have a difficult time translating that same passion into relationships.
Advice: It’s not your responsibility to be a servant to your partner’s tenacious energy, but learning to be a sense of calm can be beneficial to both you and your mate. If you are capable of silencing their stirring minds, they will find you to be extremely valuable in your love for them.
5) We don’t deal well with crazy emotions.
Ambitious people tend to be driven by logic. If you are nagging your mate about his or her work, or anything for that matter, more than likely they will tune you out. This isn’t because ambitious people are inconsiderate, but because their minds don’t receive messages that do not deal with finding a solution.
Advice: Treat relationship issues like a business meeting. Sit your partner down and tell them exactly what the issue is, and what steps can be taken to alter the outcome. Keep it simple.
6) Accept that you will be loved differently.
Ambitious people will love you through their late nights, using you as motivation to push through. They will share with you and seek your validation. They include you in their victories and look to you for comfort in their losses. But if you are looking to be the center of someone’s universe, don’t date a dream chaser.
Advice: You have to be OK with knowing that your mate’s appreciation and love for you will be expressed in a non-conventional way. This may mean having to completely redefine what love looks in your mind.
7) Do not make us choose.
If you value your relationship, the last thing you want to do is give your partner an ultimatum. If you force them to choose between you and what they love, they will choose their passion. If they do not choose their work, they will love you with resentment in their heart.
Advice: If you are fed up with feeling like you are second to your partner’s work, then express your discontent in a way that can be resolved amicably. Be willing to be flexible in your demands and give honor to their hard work.
Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013, Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.