Dear Shan Tell’em,
I have a question. It’s been four years since my ex and I broke up, why am I unable to let go? This has never happened to me before, but this relationship seemed to mean more to me than any other relationship… Even more than my marriage. I’m divorced from my ex-wife. The relationship I’m speaking of happened several years after my divorce…
Still Holding On
Dear Still Holding On,
We all have that one person that we’d like another chance with, but there must come a point in which we truly let go and live in the present.
Have you talked to her recently? Is your former love interest giving you hope that she wants to get back together? When one partner yearns for the relationship not to end, they are remembering the good times, as opposed to the totality of experiences that took place in your relationship. It is always important to focus on what caused your separation in the first place in addition to the happy moments shared.
It’s normal to lament over a failed relationship, but four years is a little excessive. Unless the two of you have been on and off during that time-period, you are choosing to LIVE IN THE PAST. That is why you cannot let go; you do not wish to.
I am a firm believer in going after that which you desire, BUT before you can even do that, you must realistically think past what you are feeling. Take an honest look at your relationship as a whole, and determine if you A) feel the same feelings for each other and B) are willing to make the necessary changes needed for the relationship to work. That’s IF she is even available. It’s been four years and a lot can happen in that time. Make wise decisions and allow reality, not emotions to guide you.
Good luck and I wish you the best.
Your turn: Got a love advice question for Shan Tell’em? Email us at email@example.com or simply comment in the section below! And don’t forget to join us on Twitter every Wednesday at 3PM CST for a live discussion on love and relationships. Keep up with the conversation via the #AskShanTellem hashtag.
Shantell E. Jamison is a digital editor for EBONY.com and JETmag.com. She’s also a radio personality, and cultural critic. Her debut book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction: Simple Quotes on How to Achieve Your Best Self” is available now at Amazon.com.