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JET Love

Love Advice: That Loss Might Be A Gain

Ending a relationship with someone who is negative, abusive and downright unappreciative should be a no-brainer. But you’d be surprised (maybe), at how many people feel like they are deserving of such treatment either due to past transgressions, familiarity or a number of other reasons. But sometimes relationships end without all of the drama and confusion, and it isn’t always a loss necessarily.

While I’ve had my share of bad connections, I’ve been privileged enough to experience great relationships with wonderful people. Just about all of my significant others from the past few years have been pretty good to me. And while you would think that we’d be a match made in heaven, unfortunately we were not.

For a long time, I struggled with a relationship ending that lacked the conventional drama. You know, cheating, physical/verbal abuse, neglect, etc. I was one of those people who was used to things ending due to chaos despite having a relatively peaceful demeanor. So when I was presented with relationships that ended simply because we were mature enough to realize that we were growing apart and that our season was over, I had a hard time letting go. It was as if I needed the extra drama for it to be real. I needed that negative validation to walk away.

At the time, I didn’t realize that I was practicing an unhealthy behavior. In my mind, two great people were supposed to work no matter what. It did not matter that we were no longer happy. We were supposed to work to be happy with each other because there was nothing “wrong.” But the reality was that I was associating the end of a relationship with negativity, instead of realizing that the lesson that I was meant to learn from said individual was taught, tried and tested. I looked at my “commitment” as loyalty, but it was actually a very damaging practice that hindered my progression.

I get it. No one wants to lose a good person. After all, they can be a little hard to find these days. But who says that you have to lose them? People who you choose to involve yourself with romantically leave a mark on your soul good or bad. While the relationship status may have changed, your experiences with each other are written in stone. As someone who had a hard time letting go, I can now look back on my great relationships and not feel like a failure because they actually taught me not to depend on drama to end something. I hope that you’re able to do the same.

Getting over a breakup can be really difficult, but sometimes losing someone can be the best thing that could ever happen to you. Embrace the time that you spent together and look forward to what lies ahead. Anything other than that is blocking your blessing.

YOUR TURN: What helps you get over a break up? Share your tips with me at digitalpitches@ebony.com or simply comment in the section below!

 

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Shantell E. Jamison is a Chicago-based writer, radio personality, and cultural critic. She’s also JET Magazine’s Digital Content Editor. She’s been featured on WBEZ 91.5FM, “The Monique Caradine Show,” Vocalo 91.1FM, KDKA Newsradio 1020AM, WBGX 1570AM, WYCA 102.3FM, Chicago Now, The Grio, The Black Youth Project, The Gate Newspaper and “Launching Chicago with Lenny McAllister.” Her debut book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction: Simple Quotes on How to Achieve Your Best Self” is available now on Amazon.com.