JET Love

Love Advice: Stop Being So Independent

As we go through life, we begin to notice that some of our greatest memories occur when we make someone smile or when you hear the words, “You made my day” in reference to an action you may have done. There is a personal sense of gratification felt through someone else’s satisfaction when it is a direct result of your efforts and actions.  The more you truly care for a person, the greater the effect of sincere appreciation will be felt.

In a relationship, you may always enjoy doing things for your partner.  These actions could be pinpointed acts of kindness on any given day, consistent words of affirmation, completing tasks to make the workload easier for your mate, or simply spending quality time that you know is important to him or her.  In the midst of your displayed affection, you may consider yourself to be independent and in need of nothing to be done for you.

Although this quality may be admired and considered a strength, it can be weakness in a relationship.  Your partner wants to feel and know that they have value in your life.  If you continue to prove that you can do it all by yourself, you are hindering your partner from knowing that they make you feel special.  Your mate wants the same sense of satisfaction that you get when doing something pleasing for your partner.  When you allow someone to show you that they care for you, it is not a sign of weakness or failure, but rather a demonstration of the vulnerability and security that you are gaining in the relationship.

Often, the more aggressive and dominating personality in the relationship experiences fear and discomfort when allowing their partner to do for them because he or she does not want to lose their self-perceived role in the relationship.  You should make continuous efforts to stay aware of your partner’s emotions and desires.  You must consider and ensure that you both are allowing each other to feel positive emotions and a sense of satisfaction.

Remember: Satisfaction should be give and take, not solely gained and withheld.

Justin photo

Justin L. Mabrie, MBA, is a graduate of Hampton University and native Houstonian. He provides relationship advice based on a traditional yet fresh perspective. Currently living in Qatar, varied aspects of dating are explored through his writings. You may keep up with him through Instagram @jlmabrie