6 Things to Avoid After A Breakup
One of my favorite mantras, “sh** happens,” is the very thing that keeps me grounded when life appears to be running off course. At the top of the extensively long list of sh** that tends to happen throughout the span of one’s life, breakups take the cake. A rather nauseating taste no matter how you frost it, breakups are disgusting.
We’re taught the principles of love early in life, yet no one provides us with the proper protocol when these principles do not result in lifelong companionship. Every time we enter a relationship, we run the risk of things not going quite as planned. Being equipped with a code of conduct can be a valuable asset to your rolodex of relationship dos and don’ts.
Here’s what NOT to do when your relationship ends.
1. Spill Your Heart to the Wrong People
You don’t want to be the emotional wreck who has mental crisis written all over his/her face. Arrested by the emotions felt after a breakup, it is not abnormal for people to try and free themselves by spilling their feelings to any willing listener. Be careful about who you confide in and how much you tell. Not every receptive ear has your best interest at heart. Find yourself one or two trusted individuals who you can open up to. As for everyone else, remember less is better.
2. Believe You Can Be Friends..Right After
I tried to remain cordial and friendly with an ex immediately after our relationship ended. Big mistake. The more I pretended to be comfortable with this new arrangement, the more angry I became. Every time he spoke, a rush of rage filled me. It literally got to the point where I couldn’t stand the sound of his voice. I was entirely frustrated and honestly, I had no real interest in continuing a friendship with him.
While this may not be true for every person, it’s appropriate to create space between you and your ex after a breakup. Permit yourself the time to heal. If you never choose to befriend that individual again, that’s your choice. If you decide to, do so at your own pace, and do so by choice and not out of obligation.
3. Let Spite Dictate Your Actions
When a relationship ends badly, you might be tempted to inflict pain on your ex. However, while being destructive may cause temporary relief, it only adds to your misery in the long run. Fight every urge to tear down your partner’s character, destroy their property, or be vindictive at the expense of your personal morals and values.
Do not, under any circumstances have sex with you ex. Don’t even flirt with the idea. The last thing you want is to find yourself intoxicated by your partner’s lust. Sex after a breakup is the surest way to press reset on your healing process.
5. Rush Your Process
If you are wise and patient, dating right after a breakup will be the last thing on your mind. However, most people rely on rebounds to help them through the recovery process. The enjoyment of new company definitely helps lessen the sting of a fresh breakup, but it’s important not to move too quickly or look too deeply into these situations. After a breakup, take time to restore. Have fun. Forgive your mistakes. Learn to love yourself.
6. Blame Yourself
In the midst of trying to process everything, self doubt has the potential to surface. While it is important to learn and grow from our past experiences, do not be harsh with yourself, even if you were the cause. Forgive yourself and promise to make better choices moving forward.
The manner in which we conduct ourselves after a relationship ends has the potential to do more damage than the break up itself. The reality of life is that sh** happens. Learning to stand up in the ring after being knocked down is the real measure of resilience. Make sure you have a protocol in place to governor yourself respectfully.
Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013, Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.