Dear Shan Tell’em,
I’ve been in a relationship with my mate for about 4 years now. I started feeling neglected at some point, but I can’t remember when due to being blinded by her actions and just being naive. I felt hurt, and spoke to her about it, but she blew it off as if nothing was happening. Her behavior is becoming extremely cold towards me. I no longer feel the love, as things have not changed. I don’t feel loved despite doing all of the begging and pleading. No matter what I do she is just so distant and doesn’t reciprocate the love and attention that I give her. At what point do you stop asking for cooperation from your mate and just walk away? When do you stop accepting gifts, jewelry or whatever as a form of love?
I’m sorry that you’re in this situation. Clearly you’re with someone who isn’t as invested in the relationship as you are. But I have good news. You can always LEAVE. It really sounds like you’re with someone who is taking you for granted. Whenever you talk to your mate about an issue, it should be worked on. Some sort of action plan should be put in place that let’s you know that you’ve been heard and that it is an issue that has their full attention and commitment to fixing. I just do not see it in this case.
Whatever the reason is for her behavior, just know that you deserve better. You should never have to beg your mate for ANYTHING. Being in a relationship is usually a choice. So when you choose to be someone’s mate, you’re supposed to be ready for what comes along with that. When someone assumes that role in your life, they are obligated to add to and enrich it. The end. While four years is a long time to invest in a relationship, believe me I’ve been there, it’s also enough time for you to know each other well enough to know when to call it quits. It might be hard, but I think you know in your heart what to do.
Good luck and I wish you the best.
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Shantell E. Jamison is a Chicago-based writer, radio personality, and cultural critic. She’s also JET Magazine’s Digital Content Editor. She’s been featured on WBEZ 91.5FM, “The Monique Caradine Show,” Vocalo 91.1FM, KDKA Newsradio 1020AM, WBGX 1570AM, WYCA 102.3FM, Chicago Now, The Grio, The Black Youth Project, The Gate Newspaper and “Launching Chicago with Lenny McAllister.” Her debut book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction: Simple Quotes on How to Achieve Your Best Self” is available now at Amazon.com.