Just Say No To Crazy Love
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You’ll never forget how you felt when you first met. You could hardly catch your breath, your heart pounding in your chest, your pulse racing. And the sex! It was amazing, explosive, mind-blowing. It was everything the movies, the music, and your fantasies said that true love would be: intense, hot, exciting, crazy. At least in the beginning. Until you begin to realize that crazy love has nothing to do with love, but is all about the crazy. What began as fire and desire is now cold and bitter regret. Excitement becomes anxiety. Passion becomes anger. Spontaneity becomes unreliability. You’ve fallen victim to one of the most dangerous—and most often overlooked—signs of an unhealthy relationship: drama.
While most people tend to associate drama in relationships with women, it’s a mistake to buy into the myth that choosing drama is a female thing. Like drama queens, drama kings inspire strong emotions, which can initially pass as intoxicating passion, sexual chemistry and almost mystical compatibility, but ultimately spirals into an endless cycle of chaotic disruption, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. Both drama kings and drama queens use seduction, bullying, victimhood and blaming as weapons of manipulation, keeping you dizzy and disoriented on a roller coaster of constant confusion, guilt, fear, sexual tension and anxiety—all of which they’ll insist is caused by you, not them. And to the degree that you allow them a place in your life, they will be right.
If you are serious about living in the Grown Zone—which means you are committed to better choices, more self-love and healthier relationships—you must recognize and steer clear of drama kings and queens (actually drama addicts) at all costs. Do not try to cure them or fix them, or help them solve their problems. You won’t pull them out of the drama; they’ll just suck you in. Just maintain as much distance as possible, and whatever you do, do not become intimate with them or allow them to become involved in your life beyond being just an acquaintance.
Since people typically associate drama with females, it is often missed or overlooked in males. It’s important to educate yourself so that you know a drama king when you see one. But whether male or female, here’s what you need to remember:
Drama kings and queens are vampires—they can be irresistibly sexy, powerfully seductive and dangerously attractive. Also ready, willing and able to drain the life out of you. It’s an act of both self love and self preservation to recognize them before allowing access to your body, home, money or heart. Always remember: Like vampires, drama queens and kings are counting on you to invite them in. That’s why they can be so charming, sweet, funny, sexy, God-fearing and otherwise just perfect for you at the beginning—they will be and do anything you need them to be and do to con their way into your life and sink their teeth into you.
Another way to recognize drama addicts: Just look for the relationship wreckage and damaged people they inevitably leave in their wake. Of course, none of it will be their fault—all of their exes are crazy, abusive, unfaithful, bitter and out to get them, and only you and your love can make it all better. Don’t believe it. Just back away from the person who happens to be the single common denominator of those failed relationships.
Recognize drama kings and queens when you see them, and avoid them at all costs. Don’t go by appearance—go by behavior over time. This means no spontaneous intimacy or allowing instant access to your home, money, body and heart because he or she is just so damn fine—or charming, or in need of love or just somebody to believe in him or to protect her—all cons they’ll use to get you to let them in. No matter how great it feels in the beginning, crazy love never works and never lasts. The love goes away and the crazy just keeps going and gets worse.
Everyone wants a little excitement in their relationships—sexual and otherwise. However, when excitement is really anxiety and stress resulting from continuous and repeated threats to your sexual, emotional, physical and/or financial safety, it’s drama and it’s unhealthy. And if it’s not healthy, it’s not love.
Live in the Grown Zone.
For a FREE copy of 9 Keys To Living In The Grown Zone, click here.
Zara Green and Alfred Edmond Jr., named to Black Love Forum’s “14 Most Inspiring Black Couples” list for 2014, are co-principals of A2Z Personal Growth Enterprises, producer of The Grown Zone. Zara is a speaker/trainer & author. Alfred is an award-winning journalist and expert on business and personal finance. The couple, both “Do-Better Fanatics”, lead sessions on personal growth, self-love and resiliency, healthy relationships and “grown” decision-making at live events across the country.
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