Grown Zone

A Grown Man Is Not Ruled By His Sex Drive

Dr. Rachael Ross shares sexual health resolutions everyone should keep.
Credit: Thinkstock

Welcome to the Grown Zone at We look forward to providing tools, advice and a reliable framework to help you to achieve honor, esteem, respect, prosperity, health (mental, physical and emotional), good relationships and self-loving behaviors for your life.

Men: Just because she’s willing to let you hit it, doesn’t mean you should. What seems like “free love” in a moment can wreak mental and emotional havoc on her—and unintended financial and emotional consequences for you—for years to come. A woman who lays freely is typically in need of things those who lay with her are incapable of supplying.

As part of his public service, mentorship and personal growth efforts, Alfred Edmond Jr. posts using the hashtag #AGrownManKnows, on both his personal and our Grown Zone social media platforms. One of his most retweeted and favorited tweets is:

#AGrownManKnows: A king is never ruled by his appetites; a slave, always.

When you are ruled by your sex drive, you may indeed find sexual satisfaction, but it will ultimately be to the detriment of women, children and society as a whole–including you.

Here’s the thing about the price of screwing already wounded and damaged women: They haven’t yet figured out the underlying reasons for why they lay–what’s motivating their sex drive. And by the time they do, if ever, their issues have compounded, often resulting in fatherless sons and daddyless daughters. Grown folks know a sex drive is a sorry excuse for poor decision-making.

But there is even more at stake than just you staying out of Judge Lauren Lake’s Paternity Court. Living in the Grown Zone means pursuing a more meaningful life than just staying alert for your next screw. Whatever you practice the most is what’s most on your mind; and what you think tends to be what you become. When you constantly, easily and repeatedly surrender to your sex drive, you train yourself to objectify others, creating a pattern of behaviors that will be extremely difficult to change later, when you desire a mutually exclusive, healthy, loving relationship with an entire human being, not just his or her genitalia. The habits of objectification and promiscuity are not switches you can just turn off; they become part of who you are, and that kind of living creates emotional dysfunction in you, hurts others and negatively impacts society.

More to the point, being ruled by your sex drive will impair your ability to establish what every man needs just as much—if not more—than any woman does: a loving, healthy relationship of respect/admiration (appreciation), compassion, forgiveness, fidelity/loyalty (trustworthiness), unconditional acceptance, and safety (physical, mental and emotional). These characteristics of healthy relationships make sex even more transcendent and fulfilling; without them, over time, sex becomes little more than full-body masturbation. Live too long as a slave to your libido, and you may find it to be just as addictive and unfulfilling as any drug—and just as difficult to kick when you finally meet “The One.”

A Grown man knows that one healthy, loving, enduring relationship trumps thousands of encounters with readily available sex partners. Believe otherwise, and you’ll learn the hard way that erectile dysfunction pills and fading memories of sexual performances past are a sad substitute for a lasting, loving relationship with a trusting and loyal (not insecure, bitter and resentful) partner. There is far more to sustaining such a healthy relationship than your ability (which will fade) to sustain a healthy erection.

When you honor women, you’re honoring yourself. Men need to be honored, esteemed and respected in relationships just as much as women do. To get that, you must give it. Start practicing now: Honor every woman, even the ones—especially the ones—who haven’t yet learned to honor themselves. It’s never too soon, and it’s never too late. If you’ll start where you are, just do your part and encourage the men in your circle to do the same, you’ll make a dent in the quality of the lives in your sphere of influence.

You’re either penis-led or a Grown man. You either rule your libido, or you are ruled by it. The refusal to be sex-driven in our society takes courage. You’re not a man because you can always find somebody to screw. Any penis-led fool can do that.

Courage up. Man up. And Live in the Grown Zone.

For a FREE copy of 9 Keys To Living In The Grown Zone, click here.

About GrownZone


Zara Green and Alfred Edmond Jr., named to Black Love Forum’s “14 Most Inspiring Black Couples” list for 2014, are co-principals of A2Z Personal Growth Enterprises, producer of The Grown Zone. Zara is a speaker/trainer & author. Alfred is an award-winning journalist and expert on business and personal finance. The couple, both “Do-Better Fanatics”, lead sessions on personal growth, self-love and resiliency, healthy relationships and “grown” decision-making at live events across the country.

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