When The Drama Queen is A Man
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Do not buy into the myth that choosing drama is a female thing. Drama queens ain’t got nothing on drama kings.
Like drama queens, drama kings inspire strong emotions, which can initially pass as intoxicating passion and sexual chemistry (what some describe as “catching feelings”), but ultimately spirals into an endless cycle of reckless disruption, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. Both drama kings and drama queens use seduction, bullying and blaming as weapons of manipulation, keeping you dizzy and disoriented on a roller coaster of constant confusion, guilt, fear, sexual tension and anxiety—all of which they’ll insist is caused by you, not them. And to the degree that you allow them a place in your life, they will be right.
If you are serious about living in the Grown Zone—which means you are committed to better choices, more self-love and healthier relationships—you must recognize and steer clear of drama kings and queens (actually drama addicts) at all costs. Do not try to cure them or fix them, or help them solve their problems. Just maintain as much distance as possible, and whatever you do, do not become intimate with them or allow them to become involved in your life beyond being just an acquaintance.
Since people typically associate drama with females, it is often missed or overlooked in males. It’s important to educate yourself so that you know a drama king when you see one. This is not an all-inclusive, exhaustive list, but here are some reliable signs that a man is a drama king:
Violence and its potential are his constant companions, whether he is victim or perpetrator—and, often, both. Not only is violence the drama king’s preferred means of dealing with conflict, but he seeks conflict to create opportunities for violence. The violence embraced by drama kings is often, but not necessarily (and may even exclude) physical, but verbal and emotional, and is often passive aggressive.
Drama kings do not hold themselves accountable for the outcomes of their choices. They blame others and refuse to share responsibility. Drama kings always present themselves as victims: of women, of their upbringing, of discrimination, of society, whatever. Anything will do. If you even hint that he bears primary responsibility for his life and choices, you either just don’t understand, or worse, you are a traitor and a hater. Watch out for men who have nothing good to say about their family, their exes, other women, other men or “them” and constantly talk about what “they” did or are doing to him. Drama. King.
When drama kings speak, it’s a consistent narrative of good intentions and bad outcomes. Their conversation is filled with wouldas, couldas, shouldas, and was aboutas. (Also, if onlys.) Drama kings are all potential and no performance.
Drama kings are vampires—they can be handsome, seductive and dangerously attractive. Also ready, willing and able to drain the life out of you. Ladies, it’s an act of both self-love and self-preservation to recognize drama kings before allowing access to your body, home, money or heart. Always remember: Like vampires, drama kings are counting on you to invite them in. That’s why they can be so irresistibly sweet, funny, sexy and just perfect for you at the beginning—they will be and do anything you need them to be and do to con their way into your life and sink their teeth into you.
Recognize drama kings when you see them, and avoid them at all costs. Don’t go by appearance—go by behavior over time. Ladies, this means no spontaneous intimacy or allowing instant access to your home, money, body and heart because he’s just so damn fine—or charming, or in need of love or just somebody to believe in him (all cons drama kings use to get you to let them in).
And gentlemen, if you see one in the mirror, it’s your job to conquer, dethrone and slay him—a victory that can only be achieved via a commitment to your own personal growth. A drama king is the exact opposite of a grown man.
Live in the Grown Zone.
For a FREE copy of 9 Keys To Living In The Grown Zone, click here.
Zara Green and Alfred Edmond Jr., named to Black Love Forum’s “14 Most Inspiring Black Couples” list for 2014, are co-principals of A2Z Personal Growth Enterprises, producer of The Grown Zone. Zara is a speaker/trainer & author. Alfred is an award-winning journalist and expert on business and personal finance. The couple, both “Do-Better Fanatics”, lead sessions on personal growth, self-love and resiliency, healthy relationships and “grown” decision-making at live events across the country.
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