Decoding the Female Language
Women are not complicated. In fact, we are quite simple. Despite being fairly easy to please, we wrestle with how to communicate our needs. Often, our desperate pleas to have our wants satisfied can send us into an unstable frenzy. Our need for closeness and intimacy is mistaken for clinginess. Craving compliments is often interpreted as insecurity, and our fears are seen as nagging.
Trying to decipher what women really want when it is buried so deeply beneath tangled communication can be exhausting. Here’s how to better understand the encrypted language of the female species.
Cut Off = Lack of Acknowledgement and Appreciation
You don’t miss your water until your well runs dry. There is nothing worst than trying to love an entitled person. People who feel entitled have an appreciation deficit. They take as much as they can get with very little reciprocity. When a person feels like they hold the rights to everything you offer, they neglect the importance of showing gratitude. Nothing drives a woman away faster than feeling dismissed and unappreciated.
Want to see a woman flourish in her femininity? Tell her, “Thank you.”
When a woman’s efforts are recognized, she is more inclined to go above and beyond to satisfy her partner. When a woman is loved properly, not only does she become more conscious of her strengths, but she is attentive to her flaws as well. We want our significant others to be in admiration of the woman they chose to build a life with, so we constantly strive to be impressive. This demands a great deal of energy.
Showing up to a relationship a better woman everyday requires constant innovation. Superwoman syndrome causes us to faithfully be in a position to save the day. When you are sick, we rummage through cabinets or drugstore shelves for the remedy. When you have a business idea, we become your secretary, accountant, business partner, and biggest investor. When you’re discouraged, we find no peace until your heart is settled.
The yearning to please can be depleting if we are not being replenished by our partners. The expression of gratitude is that fulfillment. All we want in return is acknowledgment and appreciation.
If your woman has gotten cold and distant, chances are she is feeling undervalued and needs to know you recognize the contribution she makes to your life. A woman who is praised for her devotion will continue to bless your life. The phrase, “thank you” works miracles on a woman!
A lonely and vulnerable woman is a dangerous woman. So is a silent woman. If your woman is moving about with little to no noise, she is more than likely at her breaking point. Her silence is her way of communicating to you that she has just about tapped out of this relationship.
There is no worse feeling than to lay next to someone every night and still feel alone. In relationships, women want to know that if no one else is standing in their corner, their significant other is. Don’t lead your woman to feel like she has to endure the hardships of the world with no one to hold her hand.
We are bombarded daily with the needs and demands of work, children, school, family, finances, etc., and trying to balance everything while keeping afloat can be overwhelming. Refuse to let your woman stay quiet when she is clearly screaming for attention. In the midst of drowning, we have to smile because women are not permitted to have moments of weaknesses without being accused of being, “overly emotional,” so we hold it in.
Be your woman’s sounding board. At the end of a hectic day, wrap your arms around her, let her lay her head on your chest and remind her that you are in this together. Make it your priority to restore her spirit, so she can do her part in advancing the vision for your family.
In a world where our silence is too loud and our voices are unheard, it is easy for women to internalize their pain. Your woman may not always tell you when she is feeling low, so you have to be in tune with her energy. Listen to her. Ask her how she is feeling. Hug her randomly. Check on her in the middle of the day. Occasionally, remove her from the chaos completely and give her the gift of serenity.
Yes, sometimes women are insecure. Even the most established and well put together woman may occasionally need reassurance.
Women constantly question if we are enough, so it is easy for us to slip into a state of obsession. We wonder if you noticed the few pounds we put on. We can’t tell if you like our new hairstyle or not. Lately, we’ve been too tired to put makeup on in the morning and we stress about whether or not you still find us attractive.
During these moments of insecurity, we are looking for validation. The only way to mute our obsessive thoughts is to constantly remind us how beautiful and irreplaceable we are.
Elevate your woman emotionally by holding her in such high regards that she oozes confidence. Don’t let days go by without reminding your woman she is the most remarkable woman in the world.
Note: Every man in the world can tell us how stunning we are, but nothing makes us feel more radiant than to hear those words from the person we love. Our level of sexiness is directly tied to our willingness to explore sexually. The sexier you make us feel outside of the bedroom, the more free we will be in the bedroom.
Emotional Rollercoaster=Deeper Issues
Women hardly ever complain about what they really have an issue with. Our complaints are typically a collection of issues that we have suppressed over time and when it finally comes out, it can be an emotional mess. She may be complaining about the messiness of the house, but what she is really trying to communicate is how she feels taken for granted when you don’t clean up behind yourself. She may be whining about how much time your spend with your friends, but what she is really upset about is the lack of time your spend with her.
If your woman seems to be on an emotional roller coaster, there are some deeper issues that must be addressed.
Lost Romance=More Date Nights
I am by no means suggesting that it is solely the responsibility of a man to plan dates. I, for one, think women should take initiative in that area as well. I will however note that there are entirely too many women who can’t remember the last time a man has planned a date for her.
The date doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. Truth is, women just want the time. You can park a car, listen to some music, and talk all night. We would be content with having your undivided attention for an evening. Find moments to slip away with us. There are times where we want nothing to do with the world. In those moments, we want to pretend that no one else exist but you.
Nagging, without argument, is one of thee most annoying behaviors ever. Nagging is typically the result of fear. Nagging is an unsuccessful form of persuasion often deriving from one partner’s need to control the relationship. The need to control the outcome of the relationship comes from fear of heartbreak. In attempt to protect our hearts and reduce the anxiety of the unknown, some women communicate that fear in a manner that is overly aggressive. Nagging will drive a wedge in a relationship, but if you care to work your relationship out, then you have to get to the source of the fear.
A woman who comes off as dependent may actually be looking for security. Yes, we need attention, affection, quality time, etc, but more than that, we need to feel protected in our relationship. We need to know that our partners can help us make life decisions, accomplish our dreams, and maintain the home. Once we know that our partner is capable of holding down the fort, our anxiety will subdue.
Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013, Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.