JET Love

Dating the Independent Woman

Yesterday I co-hosted a radio show on the topic of love and relationships. We explored whether a woman’s independence served as a repellent for men. Some felt the statement was true, but for others, the answer was no. The question reminded me of a quote I read which said, “Strong women intimidate boys and excite men.”

I can come to accept that being a forceful woman is not arousing to all men, but unfortunately, independent women get a bad rep. We are not set out to rage a war against men. In fact, the opposite is true. No different than anyone else, independent women want love too — just not at the cost of our freedom.

An alpha female is a commodity for the right man. Our independence is not a weapon, it is an asset. Equipped with a, “By means necessary” spirit, independent women come to the table with an abundant amount of resources and skills.  We demand from our partners the same things we offer, so to the men who are courageous enough to love a woman who has her sh*t together, here are some things to be mindful of.

1) You will not be the center of her life.

Women are often portrayed as being overly attached or clingy, but the opposite is true for independent women. The love and appreciation expressed by your independent woman will not be over barring or obsessive, it will be intentional and direct. Your woman will love you dearly, but you will be a fragment of her happiness. She will find joy in things and people outside of you.

2) She is not a damsel in distress.

If you are looking for someone to rescue or if constantly feeling needed in your relationship is fundamental for your peace, this may not be the woman for you. Independent women have made the decision to share life with you. Her choice is based on compatibility, shared energy, and appreciation of your presence, not because you meet a need. She has most things in her life handled, which means she is with you because she finds value in you.

3) She will walk over you if you let her.

Naturally dominant, the independent woman is not quaint or passive. She is bold in every element of her life, and her relationship is no different. In order to exist in a relationship with an independent woman, you have to be firm in who you are. If you are not secure, a relationship with an alpha woman can shake your confidence.

4) She values her solitude.

Independent women strive to find a balance between quality time with her mate and alone time to regroup.  Not only does the independent woman find solitude necessary, she will find it equally important to spend time with other people. Her friends, career, family, and silence will all be of high value to her. Know when to give your lover space and support her need to be alone.

5) You will have to be direct with your needs.

Independent women are not mind readers, nor will we spend time trying to figure out what exactly your needs are. If you want to be in a relationship with a woman who is sure of herself and in control of her love, immaturity will have to be a thing of your past. You want this woman to love you a certain way, tell her exactly what it is you need. Straightforwardness is mandatory.

6) She will encourage you to have your own life.

Not only will your independent woman demand the space and freedom to live life on her own accord, but she will encourage you to do the same. An alpha woman is assertive and self-reliant. She is not jealous of your friends and she will not require you to include her in everything you do. An independent woman understands the importance of allowing you the freedom to live a life that is not completely intertwined with hers.

7) She will make you better.

The most rewarding part of dating an independent woman is her ability to inspire. There is something undeniably contagious about the energy of a woman who is hellbent and determined to be successful by any means. She will motivate you in unimaginable ways.

An independent woman is a gift to any man sturdy enough to deal with a woman who can stand on her own. While an alpha woman can be intimidating to some men, others recognize how incredibly invaluable she is to his success. Loving a woman this strong requires a man to be sure of who he is. She will enhance your love, but she will not validate or coddle your insecurities.

Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013,  Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.