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JET Love

The Importance of Black Men Loving Black Women

The welfare of certain segments of our community will always provoke an emotional response from me—people of color, women, children, the elderly—but for the most part, I consider myself to be a fairly chilled spirit. In fact, 99% of the time I am completely unbothered. I mention my calm temperament in an attempt to help those who will read this article to understand just how enraged I must have been to consider throwing my laptop across the room.

I was on a late-night social media prowl when I should have been working so I blame myself. As I was scrolling through my newsfeed for what I am sure was the seventh time, I came across a video shared by one of my FB friends.

I let it play. Within the first 45 seconds, I could feel my body getting hot. Ignorantly, I let the entire video play. By the third minute mark, I couldn’t figure out if the tears forming in my eyes were from anger or sheer disgust. For almost ten minutes, I watched a White woman shamelessly bash Black women. The saddest part about her tactless, fabricated and racist remarks was the Black man who sat next to her and mockingly encouraged her rant.

A link to the YouTube version of this video has been attached for your viewing pleasure, but if you are unsure that you will be able to exercise restraint and not snap completely off, let me give you a quick synopsis and spare you from wasting 10 minutes of your life.

A link to the YouTube version of this video has been attached for your viewing pleasure, but if you are unsure that you will be able to exercise restraint and not snap off completely, let me give you a quick synopsis and spare you from wasting 10 minutes of your life.

According to this woman, Black men prefer White women because:

● Black men can pull hair during sex without the tracks slipping
● They ride for their men and Black women leave them when they are broke
● We carry ourselves in a way that turns the Black man off
● We have 5 or 6 kids by multiple Baby daddies
● We can’t pay our bills because we spend all of our money on weave
● We don’t have father figures
● All of the other races are taking over

You get the picture.

As livid as I was, my anger subdued when I realized that my frustrations were misplaced. How could I possibly be mad at this White woman? She was spoon-fed a scoop of #alternativefacts by a self-hating Black man. If he, meaning the Black man as a whole doesn’t honor us, how can we possible be upset that people outside of our community don’t either?

Black women aren’t angry because the Black man decides to date women of other races. By all means, do whatever serves your heart. I can only speak for myself on this matter, but there are some attractive White men in this world, and I for one am down with the #SwirlLife. Ultimately, who a person decides to love is their choice.

The issue that we as Black women face is the disappointing reality that too often when the Black men does decided to date women of other nationalities, they feel compelled to bash and demean us in the process. Leaving us to question, “How hard is it to love her without hating us?”

This annoyingly ignorant couple serves as the public face for what has become a regular occurrence: Black men demeaning Black women. Daily, I come across social media statuses and meme posts from Black men saying ignorant sh*t like:

Black girls, you better step your game up because White girls are taking over.
White girls getting ass now. Black women, they are coming for your spot?

Other women are often used to threaten our security or shame us. When our bodies are held in comparison to features of other women, not only are we made to feel like sexual objects, but his teaches those who are watching the behavior of the Black men that we as Black women are nothing more than a fat ass. The practice constantly forces us to defend her self-worth and piece together our deminished self esteem.

Latina girls are crazy, but sexy as hell.

The “angry black woman” stereotype was created by the BM, and to date, it is a belief that is perpetuated by the black man. Statements such as these suggest that it is only the BW who is unattractive and bitter when she expresses frustrations.

“I want an exotic chick.”

The Black woman a.k.a. the mother of civilization is never revered as exotic. Society views everything and everyone else as being more glorious than African women. When the women that Black men praise look nothing like their mothers, sisters, aunts, etc., it challenges our understanding of beauty.

True enough this blatantly disrespectful commentary is not reflective of every Black man, but tragically it doesn’t dismiss the truth. Black women are the only group of people who are subjected to cruel and harsh chastisement by the men in their nation. Whether you choose to date a sistah or not is neither here nor there, but for the sake of building a strong nation of women, Black men, is it too much to ask for a little courtesy?

Never forget that it was and is us who aide in your safekeeping, both publicly and privately, socially and politically. There has never been an attack raged against you where we were not on the front lines, ready and willing to give our lives for yours. Behind the scenes, mothers, aunts, sisters, and wives are pushing forces behind the visions and dreams of YOU.

You will never understand the devastation we experience watching the Black man degrade, demean, and destroy the self-esteem and the sanctity of the Black woman while praising and glorifying women of other races.

This is painful. So, yes Black man, the black woman may appear to be angry, but consider this, maybe she is scared. Maybe her hard exterior is the only shield she has to protect her in a world where she is always under fire. So the next time you are considering making a comment about us that will contribute to the madness, replace those words with a “thank you.” Never forget that without the Black woman, there would be no you.

Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @jazzkeyes.