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JET Love

The Importance of Black Men Loving Black Women

The welfare of certain segments of our community will always provoke an emotional response from me—people of color, women, children, the elderly—but for the most part, I consider myself to be a fairly chilled spirit. In fact, 99% of the time I am completely unbothered. I mention my calm temperament in an attempt to help those who will read this article to understand just how enraged I must have been to consider throwing my laptop across the room.

I was on a late-night social media prowl when I should have been working so I blame myself. As I was scrolling through my newsfeed for what I am sure was the seventh time, I came across a video shared by one of my FB friends.

I let it play. Within the first 45 seconds, I could feel my body getting hot. Ignorantly, I let the entire video play. By the third minute mark, I couldn’t figure out if the tears forming in my eyes were from anger or sheer disgust. For almost ten minutes, I watched a White woman shamelessly bash Black women. The saddest part about her tactless, fabricated and racist remarks was the Black man who sat next to her and mockingly encouraged her rant.

A link to the YouTube version of this video has been attached for your viewing pleasure, but if you are unsure that you will be able to exercise restraint and not snap completely off, let me give you a quick synopsis and spare you from wasting 10 minutes of your life.

A link to the YouTube version of this video has been attached for your viewing pleasure, but if you are unsure that you will be able to exercise restraint and not snap off completely, let me give you a quick synopsis and spare you from wasting 10 minutes of your life.

According to this woman, Black men prefer White women because:

● Black men can pull hair during sex without the tracks slipping
● They ride for their men and Black women leave them when they are broke
● We carry ourselves in a way that turns the Black man off
● We have 5 or 6 kids by multiple Baby daddies
● We can’t pay our bills because we spend all of our money on weave
● We don’t have father figures
● All of the other races are taking over

You get the picture.

As livid as I was, my anger subdued when I realized that my frustrations were misplaced. How could I possibly be mad at this White woman? She was spoon-fed a scoop of #alternativefacts by a self-hating Black man. If he, meaning the Black man as a whole doesn’t honor us, how can we possible be upset that people outside of our community don’t either?

Black women aren’t angry because the Black man decides to date women of other races. By all means, do whatever serves your heart. I can only speak for myself on this matter, but there are some attractive White men in this world, and I for one am down with the #SwirlLife. Ultimately, who a person decides to love is their choice.

The issue that we as Black women face is the disappointing reality that too often when the Black men does decided to date women of other nationalities, they feel compelled to bash and demean us in the process. Leaving us to question, “How hard is it to love her without hating us?”

This annoyingly ignorant couple serves as the public face for what has become a regular occurrence: Black men demeaning Black women. Daily, I come across social media statuses and meme posts from Black men saying ignorant sh*t like:

Black girls, you better step your game up because White girls are taking over.
White girls getting ass now. Black women, they are coming for your spot?

Other women are often used to threaten our security or shame us. When our bodies are held in comparison to features of other women, not only are we made to feel like sexual objects, but his teaches those who are watching the behavior of the Black men that we as Black women are nothing more than a fat ass. The practice constantly forces us to defend her self-worth and piece together our deminished self esteem.

Latina girls are crazy, but sexy as hell.

The “angry black woman” stereotype was created by the BM, and to date, it is a belief that is perpetuated by the black man. Statements such as these suggest that it is only the BW who is unattractive and bitter when she expresses frustrations.

“I want an exotic chick.”

The Black woman a.k.a. the mother of civilization is never revered as exotic. Society views everything and everyone else as being more glorious than African women. When the women that Black men praise look nothing like their mothers, sisters, aunts, etc., it challenges our understanding of beauty.

True enough this blatantly disrespectful commentary is not reflective of every Black man, but tragically it doesn’t dismiss the truth. Black women are the only group of people who are subjected to cruel and harsh chastisement by the men in their nation. Whether you choose to date a sistah or not is neither here nor there, but for the sake of building a strong nation of women, Black men, is it too much to ask for a little courtesy?

Never forget that it was and is us who aide in your safekeeping, both publicly and privately, socially and politically. There has never been an attack raged against you where we were not on the front lines, ready and willing to give our lives for yours. Behind the scenes, mothers, aunts, sisters, and wives are pushing forces behind the visions and dreams of YOU.

You will never understand the devastation we experience watching the Black man degrade, demean, and destroy the self-esteem and the sanctity of the Black woman while praising and glorifying women of other races.

This is painful. So, yes Black man, the black woman may appear to be angry, but consider this, maybe she is scared. Maybe her hard exterior is the only shield she has to protect her in a world where she is always under fire. So the next time you are considering making a comment about us that will contribute to the madness, replace those words with a “thank you.” Never forget that without the Black woman, there would be no you.

Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @jazzkeyes.

  • Lo Little Pampu Mac

    Very interesting and thoughtful article.

  • Aaron

    ” We carry ourselves in a way that turns the Black man off” <– THIS ALL OF THIS.

    • Roger Feinstein

      It all boils down to that statement

    • Ms.

      Black men, pull your sagging pants up. Black men are the main group of “thugs” who grab around on the streets with their underwear showing. Black men wear dirty, stinky , unwashed underwear. I know this because let’s face it, when black men wear their pants sagging (which is all the time) we see their sh!!t stained draws.

      Black men do not wash their clothes regularly and walk the streets often wearing wrinkled, dirty pants and wrinkled shirts. I see this every day.
      Now let us talk about black men’s faces and hair, shall we? Blk men normally have ashy, dirty faces and thick, ashy lips. This is due to a lack of hygiene. Blk men also sport a host of disgusting hair bumps all over their chins and on the backs of their necks, which is sickening to look at & looks unclean.

      As for hair, blk men usually don’t even have any. For a group of people who love talking about weave, they need to invest in some for their own heads. And when they do have hair, it remains uncombed, dandruff-filled and peppercornish.

      As far as economics and social status, blk men have none. Looking at a blk man reminds blk women of a life of poverty, strife, and hardship.

      As far as attitude, blk men have the worse stank attitudes of all groups of men. Here is the proof : Ask yourself who is getting killlled more by authority figures in the U.S. than any other group. It’s blk men and the reason is due to their stank and volatile attitudes. Blk men talk too much and that is o e of their main problems, as displayed everywhere on social and mass media.

      • Ms.

        Let me continue because a lot has to be said. In regards to black men’s horrible attitudes, this is the sole reason why black men are gunned down by authority figures.

        If you notice, blk men complain constantly that black women will not SUBMIT. However, blk men need to learn how to SUBMIT to law enforcement and other authority figures . Instead, we all see blk men popping off at the mouth constantly with law enforcement while guns are drawn on them. Or we see blk men run after law enforcement has told them to surrender.

        Blk men are not oppressed in the U.S. so don’t be fooled, people. Blk men could have their own economy and businesses if they chose to. Blk men do not want to. Simple as that. Nor do they want to own their own basketball or football leagues. What blk men want to do is work for non blk men so that they can date the women from these other communities. Blk men threw blk women under the bus to try to fool people into believing that blk women are so terrible that Blk men had no choice but to seek out other women.

        Blk women, blk men do not love you. You must see that. If BLk men loved you, they would show you, as love is an action word. Shed the blk man like an old skin and move forward to prosperity. Leave the blk man to be sh0tt in the head by law enforcement and move on. It’s not your problem and frankly it never was.

        • andya

          hold on, I have to disagree with the first thing you said. Black men are gunned down for their horrible attitudes? you are a horrible human being to think that. Many black men have been gunned down for being black. for their “horrible attitudes” when actually they know their rights and none of that shit is fair.

          • ShikokuPrincess91

            They are gunned down for their crimes and trying to harm the police.

            They deserve it every time they are animals.

          • Jena Kelly

            Who gives a shit? As long as they’re gunned down, I don’t need a reason. These bastards kill a black woman, I believe the stats are, every 19 hours, That’s hundreds a year. They kill our children as well, and you want me to be sorry when they catch a bullet. Well honey, NOPE, nopeity, nope, every nope in NOPELAND. They are on their own…..Good Luck!

          • ShikokuPrincess91

            Yes!

          • Kimberly Toure

            CORRECT! He is INSANE & BLIND! WOW! COON ALERT!

        • Interesting view. I see your points. I would say that that must be the reason why my father moved us away from the city many years ago when he saw it going downhill. He raised us in the suburbs to raise us and peaceful environment. He reads this too respectful all join the military go to college be smart and hardworking and that’s how we came out.

      • Mike Richard

        But most of the thugs and other types of bad black are raised mostly by single mothers. These are the kids that end of to be nothing in their lives because their mothers picked a thug for a father. So I would like to think the strong independant black women that don’t need a man to help take care of me and my kids. I’m the mother and the fathers. You are all doing a great jobs keeping the jails and the graves packed with fresh bodies.

      • This is certainly a small portion of black men, however, this is not profile of my black male friends. We are the complete opposite of this. We are well dressed. We are clean-shaven, ex-military, current or ex police. We live in stable homes not apartments. We take care of our women and children. Respectable people come from good respectful homes.

        • ShikokuPrincess91

          Not a small portion.

          And you are an outlier. You don’t represent the majority of black men.
          Yes every black man online is perfect whenever we have this discussion.

          Yet in real life you see loser after loser. That is why I will never date black males. Whites only for me! Of course I’m Asian so maybe it doesn’t sting as much, but still. You guys need to feel the burn and enforce standards on the other bm.

          • Kimberly Toure

            shikoku”princess91 My brother is married to a Japanese woman. You and your disdain for an entire race of men make you appear to simply be looking for a come up. I can fathom the desire to improve your social position but you should face the looming reality that caucasian males are no longer the highest standard.

          • I suppose I should not have used “small portion” and you should probably not say “the majority” considering NEITHER one of us have not met the majority of the the approximate 500,000,000 million black men in the world lol (2015 est. “black” population 1.2 billion).

            It’s all subjective and based on experiences. I meet great and horrible people of all colors shapes and sizes. People are people to me. I think the color things is pointless considering no one can define where black (even though its brown) starts or ends. People really judge on gender, education (or lack thereof), social class and visual appearance (clothing etc).

    • Jena Kelly

      You carry yourselves in a way that turns us off. Let me tell you why. You are failures all over the world, and other men can hand you your ass anytime they want to.

      • ShikokuPrincess91

        Yes!
        They are eternal failures.
        Even in Japan they try to pull the same thing as in America.
        “You racist mama” says the Nigerian tout who won’t take no for an answer.
        As far as I’m concerned black males should not be in Japan.

        • Kimberly Toure

          Why would Black men not be in Japan… They are looking for easy ass just like all other men and you prove that if a male is white they will certainly get what they are looking for. You have totally showcased an ignorant mindset here. You have presented yourself as nothing more than a whore who prefers white males. This is sad. I am ashamed for you.

  • Tforequity

    This piece voices a portion of my concerns with that idiotic video. It fails to mention that
    1. Many Black women are very well educated- so we all can’t just be stupid, irresponsible and lol trying to trap our men with babies

    2. Black woman are known to stick by their men in hard times, as opposed to Black men, who often cheat

    3. The cause for Black women having to step into mommy and daddy roles was because, due to societal issues and personal choice, Black men were not there to raise their children.

    Do not shame or tear down Black women for being the strongest ones in the room and shame on Black men for abusing and then abandoning them.

    Side note: I was a little disappointed by this article because of the grammatical errors. An entire paragraph was repeated…

    • Agreed

    • Jen

      I have to say that stereotypes are largely inaccurate, and are often perpetrated out of fear; it’s insulting and denigrating to the person the stereotype is directed towards. The way a person acts, beliefs they hold, values, etc., are individualized and have a lot to do with how they were raised, and this is not due to race, which is a social construct anyway. People do use race to justify a whole lot of nonsense though.
      Just want to mention that my ex was a cheater and he was white, so it is accurate to say that SOME men cheat, and clearly not just black men, and these men have their reasons for doing so. Some women cheat too. I’m sure there are black women who cheat on their significant other, I surely know white women do. But there are also plenty of intact black families, white families, mixed families in the world.
      Have to agree, the grammatical errors are distracting.

      • Tforequity

        I never said all black men cheat, especially not in exclusion to other people (men of other races or women) cheating.

        Just as there are both trashy white women and scamming white men, none of my statements were made to place one race over another. However, I think it’s important to realize and identify that this piece is in response to a video that bashes black women. It is also important to point out that it is common for black men in particular to bash black women when they date white women. Worse than that, black women are not only receivibg messages that who they naturally are is not worth loving, but also that women of other races “outdo” them. For these reasons, I focused on black women and the actions of black men in my comment.

        Every coward has a reason for cheating, real men and women just admit that something’s wrong. Let’s stop excusing hurtful actions and hold people accountable.

        • Jen

          Fair enough.
          I will be honest, I couldn’t even get through the whole video. It was embarrassing to watch. I don’t think anyone should be trashing anyone, but wow, the level of ignorance…
          Anyway, you are so right, I don’t think anyone even knows what accountability is anymore these days. Everything is everyone else’s fault.

        • Kimberly Toure

          noone can cheat on you if you are not MARRIED! PLEASE LIVE IN REALITY! PLEASE!

    • Kimberly Toure

      STOP having children out of wedlock says the “Black” woman to the other Black women! Having illicit sex and procreating outside of marriage and subsequently being dumped is not a state of abandonment. Marriage clearly comes BEFORE a baby. Most other races know this. It is only the Black female in America who keeps endeavoring to blame the males they slept with and produced bastard children. The rates for bastards are WAY TOO HIGH for Black women! STOP!

  • Opinion from a “Black man” that has dated a few women of different cultural backgrounds and happily married to a beautiful smart hard working light skinned American woman of Irish decent.

    ●Black men can pull hair during sex without the tracks slipping
    MY RESPONSE:
    not going to lie. I love a little hair pulling. Wife of 16 years still loves it.
    ● They ride for their men and Black women leave them when they are broke – I doubt this.
    MY RESPONSE: Many black women are strong and supportive. Strong and weak is not just related to culture/color. It is also your nature vs. nurture.
    ● We carry ourselves in a way that turns the Black man off.
    MY RESPONSE: Some times. But this is also not a color thing. Turnoffs are Turnoffs.
    ● We have 5 or 6 kids by multiple Baby daddies.
    MY RESPONSE: So do many white women. I can name more who are white.
    ● We can’t pay our bills because we spend all of our money on weave.
    MY RESPONSE: My white wife drops $200 on color and keratin. What’s your point?
    ● We don’t have father figures
    MY RESPONSE:
    Good family roles is a big issue in the poor urban black community, however I think it is not very intelligence single out black women on this.
    ● All of the other races are taking over
    MY RESPONSE:
    What the does this even mean?

  • ShikokuPrincess91

    Black men are scum!

    You need to be loyal to your black women and leave Asian girls alone. we do not want you monkeys changos doujin!

    Black men are history’s losers. Quit whining on slavery! You got enslaved because you deserved it! You wouldn’t build and take care of your women and children for 50,000 years and you got your ass whip because you are the weakest gayest men. The bottom butthole of a gay white.

    Black men you do not like your women. Why not? They are beautiful, educated, nice, good friends to me.

    Truth-you don’t like them because you want to be them!
    You jealous of them being feminine! You want to take penis yourself!

    • Kl

      You must have been hurt!

      • ShikokuPrincess91

        Scared but not hurt fortunately.

        Every time I was terrified a white man or black woman came around to protect me. .

        • Kimberly Toure

          Your thought processes are WEAK darling. Your hatred is absolutely unwarranted. All type of men endeavor to hit on me and I do not spew this kind of filth about them. Your heart seems tainted and I pray you look further than your limited experiences for clarity. Seek a lucid mind state as this is healthier.

    • Try living other places in world.

      • ShikokuPrincess91

        I lived in America four years. I have seen you in your nature.

        • Me in nature is camping, hunting, riding my motorcross bike and fishing.

    • Kimberly Toure

      shikoku”princess”91 just because many Black males are fed up with the behaviors of Black women in general this does not make them homosexuals. From what I have researched Asian males are deemed the most feminine. You are embarrassing yourself. Just the fact that you say these things about Black men and claim to have Black female friends is proof that the Black female is evidently destroyed in general.

  • JJ truth

    Nice try at brainwashing Jet Magazine (which is now owned & under white control). Black women know that the sorry, white filth in the video has had it in for black women for a long time. Her day of reckoning is at hand. Such low class, whores from the underbelly of the nation will have to face the consequences of their behaviors. Once the truth comes out it will not be hidden. THE SAME GOES FOR BLACK MALES LIKE THE ONE IN THIS VIDEO. Trashy white women have ALWAYS been jealous of black women. Self respecting black women are NOT threatened by the words of this obviously backward, nasty, white trash female. Its laughable that black men dig into the white garbage can to elevate used up whores and think it will anger black women. It only presents a sad picture of how much self hate black males carry. Black women want no part of that kind of mental dysfunction and blatant disrespect. Black me nhate black women. Black men are insecure and fragile even. Its been like a long abusive marriage held together out of necessity for the kids sake. But now the kids are grown adults. So the divorce is on. The end for black america is here. The future of black culture is doomed and its all the fault of black men.

  • Dino Dare

    Our hair isn’t fake. It just stinks. I got my first haircut at the age of 10. I was planning on never cutting it because I dreamed of having straight hair. Then I found out it was a genetic thing and that my family and usually my race has the horrid hair that grows UPWARDS! I would love it if I had curly or straight or ANY shaped hair that grew down because then I would grow it out, I hate braiding my hair. If I could have good looking long hair that I didn’t have to braid or make look dumb, I honestly would. Plus, braiding is a painful, smelly mess that takes hours upon hours! I honestly wish I could just brush it and call it a day… I was gonna put up with it for my entire life but when my hair got to the length where you had to spend entire DAYS of your life dedicated to getting it done which lasts for like a month if you don’t sleep crazily, I got fed up with it.

  • Kimberly Toure

    Black women are actually at fault for the stereotype of the angry Black woman. I am a “Black” woman yet because I behave in a very civilized intellectual manner people refuse to even recognize that I am American born and raised. They insist I am from elsewhere or was raised by a caucasian mother… ANYTHING accept that I am an American “Black” and that is a shame. Instead of constantly complaining and BEGGING Black men to be kind to you stop the self hatred of wearing hair not representative of your birth state. Stop sleeping with strangers. RESPECT IS SOMETHING YOU GIVE YOURSELF! Be the example you wish to see and that example will speak for itself. I constantly meet angry, unhappy, immoral Black women and I am tired of this walking stereotype. LEARN TO LISTEN BLACK WOMEN! Everyone is putting in their two cents to tell you the truth about how they feel now that they can hide behind their computer screen so LISTEN! LISTEN and apply reason. READ MORE! STOP being who they say you are please PLEASE PLEEEAAAASSSSSSE! Also just get yourself together by international standards so you can compete. Ignore the rubbish and focus on making yourself high quality. I am married to an Asian man with a masters degree who worked for NASA so it really is not some special exclusion of Black females. ALL MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO ARE KIND AND GENTLE AND CHASTE AND INTELLIGENT! ALL MEN LOVE FEMININITY! If you are not feminine PRACTICE! If you lack education READ! If you can’t keep yourself from illicit sex why would anyone marry you… STOP BEGGING AND IMPROVE! ALL MEN HATE FAKENESS so stop lying to yourself that all that weave and makeup is making you sought after! It is NOT!