8 Signs You’re Dating A Manipulator
I’m not sure if it’s the psychologist in me that desperately tries to examine the psyche of people and analyze how it influences their behavior, or if I subconsciously channel my inner “crazy and deranged,” but I am obsessed with the Oxygen TV show, Snapped. I could easily watch a 24-hour marathon and not blink.
While I’ve never wanted to bring serious harm to any of my significant others, I know what it’s like to be set on fire by love. There were times in my late teens and early twenties where my behavior resembled that of someone who was, “crazy and deranged.”
My moments of temporary insanity could have easily be attributed to the lack of sleep I got because I was up late at night rummaging through my significant other’s phone, email, and social media sites. Or maybe it was the many nights I dragged myself out of bed at 3 a.m., rain, sleet, or snow, driving around looking for his car because he didn’t come in the night before. I’m not sure if it was the other women, the lying, the constant fighting, or the unsympathetic “makeup to breakup” routine I mistakenly labeled a relationship, but I was far too comfortable standing on the edge of cliffs and looking over the edge.
Nothing is as detrimental to your mental stability as dating the wrong person. You will often find yourself asking, “What happened? How did I get in so deep?”
If you are behaving manically, you may be dating a “Crazymaker.”
Crazymaking is a form of psychological abuse designed to influence and/or change the thoughts and behaviors of others.
Here’s how you know you are in a relationship with a manipulator:
#1 He or She Constantly Lies
A Crazymaker lacks the ability to feel remorse. He or she will stand in your face and tell you outlandish lies without diverting eye contact. You can catch this person red-handed and they will insist that you did not see what you “thought you saw.”
Left in a constant state of confusion, these individuals can be so convincing in their argument that you begin to question what is true and what is not. Crazymakers rely heavily on lying to deceive others and create a sense of doubt in those they prey on.
Example: I once dated a man who had multiple children. The issue was not the children, it was the fact that for months, I was under the impression he only had one child. When confronted, he explained to me that he did not tell me about his other children because I hadn’t asked. So, while he never lied to me about the number of children he had, he made sure to exclude that information. He manipulated by omission.
#2 They Always Blame Others for Their Shortcomings
Crazymakers are NEVER in the wrong. Even when they offer up an apology, its never really sincere. Incapable of accepting fault, Crazymakers will somehow make everything your fault. As a result, you begin to doubt yourself.
Example: You catch your partner cheating. They may assert that their behavior was a result of loneliness, lack of attention from you, or not feeling respected and loved in the relationship. This all in an attempt to make their actions someone else’s fault and cause you to question if you are doing all that you are supposed to in the relationship.
#3 “Calm Down.”
Crazymakers are infamous for making their significant others feel like they are always overreacting. They do this by pretending like their behavior is less damaging than it really is. This is executed very subtly and strategically.
Example: You put on a new shirt and you are already self conscious about your recent weight gain. A Crazymaker may snicker at you and ask, “You wearing that?” When you ask what’s wrong with your shirt they simply laugh and respond, “Nothing.” The indirect criticism and/or constant ridicule covered up as “joking” is used to constantly keep you in a place of shattered self esteem.
#4 They Are the Kings & Queens of the Dismissive Attitude
Always needing to assert their authority, Crazymakers only give attention to what they deem important.
Example: You may want to talk to your partner about issues in your relationship. If you are dating a Crazymaker, they will completely disregard any concern you have if the conversation does not appease or benefit them.
#5 They Use Twisted Language
Crazymakers NEVER use direct language. They are experts at talking their victims in circles. They ramble, answer questions with questions, and become defensive when interrogated. After conversing with a Crazymaker, you feel more confused and distraught than before you initiated the conversation. That is the goal. The are indirectly training you to not question them.
#6 They Will Guilt Trip the Hell Out of You
Manipulators rely on guilt trips to keep their victims in a subservient position.
Example: Crazymakers use language like, “You obviously don’t care about me enough because if you did, you would…”
#7 Humiliation is the Name of the Game
Tragically, without shame, crazy making behavior wouldn’t have as much of an impact. Manipulators use insults to corrupt the self worth of their significant others and keep them in line.
By breaking down their partner’s confidence, Crazymakers create a sense of emotional dependency on them. Desperate for their approval, Crazymakers force victims to walk on eggshells, desperate not to offend their partners.
#8 Me Against the World Propaganda
Crazymakers are lavish storytellers. When they recant their life story, they are always the victim. According to these individuals, they have been wronged their entire life. They convince their partners that they are misunderstood and unaccepted. Everything that has gone off course in their lives is someone else’s fault, and never their own.
They use this technique to stroke the heart chords of others. Desperate for attention, manipulators are constantly seeking pity and empathy from others.
Crazymakers stir up confusion in the hearts and minds of their lovers. Cleverly mixing charisma, seduction, anger, lies, taunting, and drama they create a concoction that if taken, can be lethal to the consumer. Venomous to your ability to rationalize, dating a Crazymaker will gradually affect your ability to process life clearly.
Who is vulnerable to crazy making?
Crazymakers prey on a specific type of man or women. Because they play on their partner’s insecurities, they seek out people who are emotionally damaged. Keen on other’s weaknesses, Crazymakers strategically look for people who have a desperate need to please others.
Inflicted with a narcissistic need to feel godly, manipulators will only pursue people who they believe will make them the center of their universe, and go above and beyond to please them. Infatuated with power, these individuals shy away from people who are emotionally solid and independent.
When your self esteem is low, you naturally turn to others for validation and acceptance. This makes you an ideal partner for a manipulator. Crazymakers work to make sure their partners depend on them for approval and validation.
Crazymakers feel powerless internally, and because of this, they do not want an assertive significant other. In an attempt to feed their own broken self value, they control others and feed off the praise and attention they receive once they have successfully invaded their partner’s psyche. They do not want an assertive partner because the control must always stay with them.
How to deal with a Crazymaker
There are several reasons Crazymaking is so successful. Naturally, we find it extremely difficult to process how or why someone would want to be so conniving and deceitful. The inability to see things for what they actually leads us to justify the behavior of Crazymakers. Denial makes us susceptible to theses types of people. Too often, we normalize their actions, mistaking their behavior for love.
When we convince ourselves that love comes with a certain amount of discourse and difficulty, we open the door for havoc. Love is labor, but it is not abusive and controlling. We are taught that true love requires an immense amount of work and mental strength. Because of this, we stay in these damaging relationships well past their expiration date.
These types of relationships can be depressingly difficult to end. The emotional damage can be long term if it is not addressed. If you are dating a crazy maker, there are some important things to be conscious of:
Their goal is to control. Do not disconnect from your family and friends. Abusers will strategically drive wedges between anyone who may cause you to challenge them. We often lose sight of ourselves when in this type of relationship, but our family and friends can see clearly. Fearful they will be exposed, Crazymakers will convince you that everyone you love is trying to ruin your relationship and will desperately work to isolate you from everyone else.
Crazymakers swear they hate drama, but in reality they live for the attention. Refuse to participant in their warped mental games. Do not indulge in arguments with Crazymakers because you will not win. You will only end up more frustrated and hurt in the end.
They are insatiable. There is no satisfying this type of person, so stop trying to appease them.
The best advice I can give if you are dating a Crazymaker is, GET OUT!
The longer you stay in this type of relationship, the further you distance yourself from healthy, rationale thinking. Eventually, this chaos will begin to feel normal to you. Do not succumb to their manipulation. Plug back into what it really means to be loved and respected and recognize that Crazymakers are incapable of giving that.
Once out, take time to heal. There is a great deal of emotional and mental strain that comes from being in a relationship like this. If you do not reserve time to repair your heart and spirit, you may as well lay down the welcome mat and invite another abuser into your home.
Pray you all seek and find everything you need and more. Move in love…
Until we meet again lovers and friends. Be well. Be prosperous. Be passionate.
Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. In 2013, Keyes was named “13 People to Watch For” by Rockford Register Star and in honor of Black History Month 2014, Keyes was recently named a“Neighborhood Hero” by ComEd’s Power of One Campaign. Keyes in currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology and hopes to one day be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships.