JET Love

6 Signs That She Isn’t Committed

Google relationships and you’ll find tons of articles on how to tell if a guy is into you. The number of links is downright overwhelming. In fact, most relationship advice seems to be tailored towards women attempting to either (a) figure out if a man likes them, (b) woo a man into falling in love or (c) something to that nature. I get it. The stereotype is that women are more in touch with their feelings and always seeking to be committed. But what if the shoe was on the other foot? Instead of wondering if he’s into you, what if she’s the one who is sending mixed signals?

Reality check: Women run scared too. Not all ladies are counting down the days until they get married and start having babies. The reasons aren’t all that different either. No, she might not want to sow her oats as much, but she might like the idea of being able to go on dates with other men. Or just value her independence. Or just not be that into you. Here are a few ways to tell.

She Doesn’t Make Time for You

When someone is into you, they make time for you. That’s why it’s called “making time.” It isn’t meant to be easy. I get that life is happening, but just like you she has off days too. You will be much more than a text conversation, FaceTime buddy or phone call to past the time.

She Isn’t Concerned About Your Day-to-Day

When a woman likes you, she’s going to want to know every little detail about your day. When she’s not invested, she will not ask or care. She won’t answer the phone every time you call and you might not even get a call back until days later. You’ll only hear from her when she’s ready to see you and whatever activity you do will always be very casual and require very little investment.

She Doesn’t Pay Attention 

People who pay attention to the little details that make you happy, and take the extra step to provide them for you are invested in you. It takes focus, effort and dedication to actually pay attention to details. You have to actually care to even do so. If she isn’t going the extra mile to do little acts of kindness for you, chances are she’s just not invested.

She’s Not Interested in Meeting Your Family/Close Friends

If you’re involved with someone, it’s a very normal thing to want to meet their family and friends. If the woman you’re seeing shies away from that, she’s not very serious about the relationship. A woman that is interested in you wants to remain memorable. She wants to meet those closest to you and is bold enough to answer any tough questions that are bound to occur during the encounter. When a person is not into you, they will have very little interaction with anyone outside of you. There’s a very slim chance that you will be introduced to her family and close relatives. If you do, it will most likely be in passing.

Your Attempts to Make Future Plans are Always Rejected 

A women who is looking for commitment is interested in knowing your long-term plans. Whether it’s a month from now or 5 years from now, she’s going to want to know where your mind is and how she fits into the equation after a while. A woman who isn’t interested in you could care less about what you have planned in the future. Honestly, they won’t even commit to a vacation with you three months from now. If she really likes you, she will look forward to making plans with you because her plan is to stick around for the long-term.

She Supports & Wants to Be A Part of Your Dreams

I can’t stress enough how much this particular point matters. When you’re really into someone, you support the things they are passionate about even if you do not understand why this is so vital to your boo. If she’s always at your flag football games cheering you on, and/or there for you to offer encouraging words of support when you’re not feeling confident about a presentation, then chances are she’s serious about you.

YOUR TURN: How can you tell when someone’s into you?  Share your tips with me at or simply comment in the section below!


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Shantell E. Jamison is a Chicago-based writer, radio personality, and cultural critic. She’s also JET Magazine’s Digital Content Editor. She’s been featured on WBEZ 91.5FM, “The Monique Caradine Show,” Vocalo 91.1FM, KDKA Newsradio 1020AM, WBGX 1570AM, WYCA 102.3FM, Chicago Now, The Grio, The Black Youth Project, The Gate Newspaper and “Launching Chicago with Lenny McAllister.” Her debut book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction: Simple Quotes on How to Achieve Your Best Self” is available now at