‘Scandal’ Recap: Ride, Sally, Ride

It’s been the longest two months, two weeks and seven days of my life, but Scandal is back! Yes, I counted. Don’t act like you didn’t. But before I get into that, here’s a quick pre-hiatus recap: Liv’s mother is a liar, Sally commits post-menopausal murder, and Poppa Pope gave Fitz a verbal spanking cold enough to make the Polar Vortex look like beach weather.

Now that you’re all caught up, its finally time to gear up for the mid-season premiere. Wine? Check. Cell phone off? Check. Alright! Air Force Messy was about to take off and I was READY!

When we left off, the devil made Sally do it and clearly he wasn’t finished. Despite Cyrus asking nicely and helping her cover up Daniel’s murder, Sally audaciously announces that she will run for president. Not only that, but she has not a bit of intention to resign as vice president. Oh boy.

*Cue presidential temper tantrum*

While Fitz is breaking expensive White House glasses, Liv, Cyrus and Mellie scramble to devise a counterattack. But Fitz has it handled. He wants his former lieutenant governor Andrew Nichols and he wants him NOW. Though Cyrus and Millie take this as their cue to disappear, Liv clearly doesn’t get the memo. She sticks around only to be greeted with an even colder: “I said, that’s all.” Yes. That means you too, Liv. Button up your cute little maternity suit and go. Better yet, go grab your whiny boyfriend a Scotch-soaked pacifier so he can relax.

Meanwhile, Shonda’s not ready to drop any additional Harrison back story just yet. He simply puts in a call to David Rosen, asking for help keeping Adnan Salif out of the country. Of course, David Rosen can’t help. This is the same man who has audio proof that VP Sally murdered her husband, but can’t use it in court. Are we surprised?

Cyrus tells Liv that Fitz has appointed Jake the new commander of B-613. Olivia rushes off to check on her father and finds him in a park, but there’s no pity party here. Before Liv could feel any kind of emotion, Rowan delivers the most gut-wrenching, saliva-spewing soliloquy to date, vowing to make Fitz pay for crossing him and urging Liv to run while she can. Poppa Pope don’t play! Hopefully that white Burberry coat from last season comes in black. Because, according to Rowan, Fitz is as good as dead. Tip fellas: Don’t go around telling people’s daddies how their daughters taste. Mkay?

Do It For The Vine
Thanks to Leo Bergin, Liv and Fitz’s affair is once again front-page news. This time, Mellie takes matters into her own hands. Once again, she’s got an election to save. She’s going to make her husband’s whore an honest woman. No honey, sleeping with Fitz’s father will NOT go in vain. To throw the media off their trail, she invites Olivia out to lunch. After all, the first lady would never publicly embrace her husband’s mistress. Right? They laugh, giggle and play in each other’s hair. Then Mellie slyly slips Liv a list of eligible bachelors, complete with White House letterhead. The goal: Pick a boo and leave her husband alone. Liv should’ve given her a list of ways to get her life. But, you know, everyone’s watching. So, next time.

Adnan is a WHAT?
Let’s cut to the chase here. The big, bad Adnan Salif, who’s had Harrison all shook up is a woman! And she’s pretty! Umm…excuse me? Where’s the big, scary, filthy looking terrorist guy you promised us, Shonda? Why are you toying around with our emotions?! Then just when you think Harrison’s going to die, the two kiss, she rips off his pants. At this point, I’m literally pulling my hair out. Well, I snatched my wig off. Nonetheless, hair was removed.

I’m speechless. Just when you think Shonda’s bag of tricks is running on empty, she swaps it out for a bigger, bolder Birkin of surprises. One can only wonder what other secrets lie ahead, such as what really went on with Mellie and Fitz’s new running mate!

Is Adnan Salif Harrison’s secret baby’s mother? What does Rowan have in planned for Fitz? How long can Mellie play nice? Will David get the evidence he needs to take Sally Langston down for murder?