EntertainmentMade Of Shade


made of shade

Lord Yeezus, I encountered fools twerking stupidity while Mercury was in retrograde. When Mercury is in retrograde, the level of quality communication in the universe decreases. My every attempt to conceal my emotions during Mercury’s visit did not work. Instead of chanting namyohorengekyo, I sat and chanted for an hour, “Mercury, please leave me the hell alone.”

Massive consumptions of wine consumed while Mercury is in retrograde will make Shrek appear beautiful, E.T. appear real and Dora show up at your door step with a black and mild behind her right ear.

For those that think I should refrain from signing contracts while Mercury is in retrograde, think again. I will not turn down a contract from Oprah on account of Mercury.

“Oh yeah Oprah. I’ll get back to you on that million dollar contract when Mercury goes away!”

Oprah shoots back a blank stare. 

“Whaaaaaaat? I just have this thing about signing contracts while Mercury is in retrograde. A million dollars can wait. Surely, you can understand, right?”

Oprah points to the exit. 

Folks can act a fool when the big M arrives.


George Zimmerman Is a Wannabe Cop 

The sight of George Zimmerman’s face rendered a feeling of disgust in the pit of my soul. If I were visible in the courtroom, I probably would have run to the stand and smack Zimmerman with ice nestled in a Whole Foods bag. Zimmerman used words as “the suspect” and “my firearm” revealed the prosecution. The reference to Trayvon as “the suspect” from Zimmerman’s fat lip is reason enough to believe he already pegged Trayvon as a criminal. When folks overdose on cop shows and do not fulfill their secret ambitions of cop status, they become neighborhood watchers that harass young black boys due to their ass-backward notions of what the criminal represents.


Rachel Jeantel

Minds that have not been decolonized will view Rachel Jeante as the stereotypical, “lazy black girl, looking to have fun, party and get money void of an intellectual like.”  It’s this stereotype that further aids the agenda of her detractors. To continually debunk Rachel creates an air of aroma where folks desire to smell if she’s credible or not based solely on her demeanor.

When I watch Rachel, I see a young woman that lacks maturity and needs time for further development of self. Most young women her age lack maturity. Experience with life is the greatest teacher. America has taken a young woman in her prime and made her the object of a ferocious picking apart.

The assumption that Rachel is not credible because she does not embody a certain type of speech and demeanor has its roots in racist stereotypes that go back to slavery.

How many educated folks have went to trial with great speech and demeanor and were found to be not credible?  Many.

I ask of her detractors, how many of your children would be able to withstand such an intense ordeal? Rachel lost Trayvon Martin, a friend whom loved her without condition as she was picked on by other young men who viewed Rachel as not fitting the mold of society’s rigid standards of beauty.  Most who’ve encountered bullying wear a protective shield.


Alec Baldwin 

The pharmaceutical companies construct millions of happy products. Those happy products do a heck of a job for those prone to anger issues.  I understand the root of your pressure. It’s hard to be filthy rich and have to tolerate “queens” that make a living, providing you with media coverage that on some levels equal to dollars and cents.

If your wife was not using social media as reported, during James Gandolfini’s funeral, you have a right to your annoyance. Make “queens” your friends though. They are in every structure of society. In fact as I am writing this column, I have a “queen” waving at me from across the table at Barnes and Nobles.

“Queens” are protected at all cost. Just drop the f-bomb on one and see the storm that follows. “Queens” are fun, they love tops and harbor suspicion of bottoms.  Some of them are legendary like Queen Elizabeth and Queen Diana Ross.

I gather you will never go to a Cher, Lady Gaga, Madonna or Mary J. Blige concert because chances are you might come in contact with a “Queen”. Ironically, “Queens” and Lady Gaga’s little monsters are synonymous. Elton John and Frank Ocean both have reported sightings of “Queens” sleeping on their hotel balconies. Kings are not exempt. I know kings that masquerade at night as “queens” when the clock strikes 12am.

I can care less that you took a hike from Twitter and rejoined again. Not with student loan rates doubling. Not with my only good pinky toenail dying from lack of toenail rehab.  I have George Zimmerman to worry about and other wannabe neighborhood watchers with secret ambitions of conquering the world.

As you rejoin Twitter, please think about those happy products. If you take one before you tweet chances are your tweets will be retweeted by Deepak Chopra or the Dalai Lama.

Quassan Castro is a news and entertainment journalist.  Check out his “Made of Shade” column on this site.

Follow him on Twitter@Quassan