Lovesick: Starbucks Drake Hands and More
My goodness, the thirst online is real.
We couldn’t quench it with the entirety of the ocean, at least this week. So many people lost their complete minds on social media that I knew that Keeping it 140 HAD to be dedicated to stamping out the epidemic. Let’s start with a guy that I actually kinda sorta feel sorry for, but then again, not really.
STARBUCKS DRAKE HANDS
So, this is a thing. The mythology goes like this: A coffee barista hits on a model and badgers her for her number. She demurs, but finally gives it to him. He uses it to send a video selfie of him looking all kinds of not sexy to the strains of Drake’s “Hold On: Coming Home.”
It’s awful, even more awful than the actual video, but that’s a story for another site. Back to the story….the actual factual guy who poured his soul out virtually is clapping back, saying he actual met Miss Model Chick on a dating app and despite mutual flirtation, dipped out. His selfie, he claims, was an attempt to make her laugh. Mission accomplished. And thanks for making the rest of us laugh. Now, for the rest of y’all thirst burgers, don’t get any ideas about overnight fame and romance. Bottom line is: No matter how you slice it, homegirl is not interested. So don’t try this at home.
For reals, Chad Johnson? This is how we’re doing it in 2013? Kissing our ex-wives through a TV screen? Halp. I believe that Johnson truly regrets what happened between him and reality star Eveleyn Lozada, as outlined in this stellar article by the Miami Times. However, putting your lips on the TV (the go-to move by 5th grade Justin Bieber fans, by the way) to win her back seems a lil’ stalkerish. Evelyn might not have been mad at it, but I highly doubt this gesture is going to be what seals their reunion. And I would strongly advise ladies and gents of the life to avoid the “kiss your picture to get you back” phenomenon. You just might end up a ripped-from-the-headlines plotline on “Law & Order: SVU.”
CAREY ME HOME
Mimi is a cute woman. Her twin babies are adorbs. I think she and Nick Cannon, despite the recent split rumors, make for a sweet couple. But I do wish the duo would use the text feature instead of Twitter. ‘Cuz we truly did NOT need to see this TMI message to Nick. I know that Rihanna and ‘nem set all kinds of bad examples with their scantily clad, scandalous social media, but that doesn’t mean we have to get down to our Vicky’s secrets and broadcast our lust across the Interwebs. So, I do hope Madame Butterfly hasn’t elevated the nekkid pic to a new art form with this action. Because Lawd knows, we don’t need any more of this right here: