Keeping it 140: Chief Keef, Tyrese, Rihanna & more
Welcome to Keeping it 140. I’m Kyra Kyles, a Senior Editor at JET who moonlights as a social media stalker, tracking the good, bad and ugly of online sharing. I’ll mostly be taking celebs and public figures to task for gaffes on the Interwebs (I see you, 50 Cent and Chris Brown.) But I’ll also offer advice on how we civilians can keep it together on sites like Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and… um… MySpace, that is, if you’re still lurking around on the latter outlet. Just think of me as the Emily Post of posting.
Welp, I’m back from a much-needed vacay last week and it looks like not much has changed in Keeping it 140-ville.
People continue to do my job for me, acting utter fools on the Web. So since I didn’t get a chance to talk to you last week, let’s not waste another second with the lead-up. Here’s how NOT to use social media starting with an R&B crooner with a lil’ bit of a TMI problem.
Somebody go cuddle Tyrese. The singer-rapper-actor sounded like he was getting an early start on caking (aka post-summer coupling) season with a series of Tweets detailing what seemed to be a serious case of loneliness and asking for a woman to spend half a lifetime with. But that wasn’t the worst of his Tweets… It’s this TMI business about thinking of children during an (um) bed-rocking session. Bossip captured screen shots of the madness. Last I checked, there was probably a line of women interested in being wifed by this chocolate specimen o’ man. I ain’t in the line, but I’m just saying.
Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna. I’m talking to you about this pic you Tweeted out, ma. True, you haven’t unseated the dumbest celebrity tattoo-getter of all time because it’s hard to top Bird Man’s full facial/baldhead inking nor can you compete with Gucci Mane’s ice-cream-cone-as-drawn-by-a-child-right-on-his-face. But you’re certainly in the running for tomfoolery with this image right under your chest. I mean, did you think about this much? I’m all for honoring your grandmother’s legacy, but where in her will did she state: “Child, go draw permanently under your ta tas in my memory.” **shakes head, slowly walks away**
The Eyes Have It
What did this clown model from Hollister (pictured below) think would happen after he Tweeted this picture making slanted eyes in apparent mockery of Asian customers during a store opening in Yeouido, South Korea? Did he think he’d be carried through town on the residents’ shoulders for his cleverness? Yipes. But worse yet, just in case you could have thought maybe that isn’t what he was doing, he underscored his error with this comment: ‘Hahahaha they ruhhvvvv ittt!’.” Way to welcome customers to your store, ugly Americans! I hope Hollister shipped him home on the next thing smoking.
Hail to the Chief
If you haven’t been following what has been going on with rap’s latest..uh..um….wunderkind out of my hometown in Chicago, catch up on the horrible flap involving Chief Keef right here. And then raise your smart phone or tablet in a toast that whomever manages him told him to get the hell off Twitter, which he announced he is doing as of this week. (If only they’d done that eons ago.) And also, get the heck out of here with these fibs about being hacked. Some of these celebs would have us believe that Julian “Wikileaks” Assange is out here taking over B-list celebrity accounts and posting the dumbness they later try to delete and hypnotize us out of seeing. Beat it.
Famous Last Words
This actually depressed me. New Media Rockstars reveals a rapper who allegedly drove drunk, but not before texting about his alcohol-influenced driving and finishing out with the one-word moron manifesto: YOLO. For those who don’t know, that’s You Only Live Once. (See Drake’s “The Motto” for clarification.) This is not remotely funny, but serves as a cautionary tale to keep your health and safety in mind at all times. Please do not let your last words be an Internet abbreviation celebrating foolhardiness. Condolences to his friends and family.
Can I confide something in you guys? One of my fears in life is having a romantic spat play out over social media. I see us civilians failing in this area all the time, but it especially shocks me when famous people (or in this case, almost-famous people) go straight prosciutto on each other in front of the masses…Facebook wall, Twitter timeline, Instagram…these peeps take it wherever it happens to go. I must now add to that file, French Montana’s (apparently) estranged wife, whom he ditched when he started actually making the money he rapped about on his mixtapes. He even had the nerve to joke about cheating on her in an earlier interview. Bad idea. Her online anger is visceral and if I were French, I’d be sending a bouquet and some Fannie May chocolates over there ’round about now. Check out her damning comments on his fidelity and family skills.