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Date Knight: The problem with loving two people

As the staff’s resident relationship guru — who’s carved out a space on the web with an award-winning site called Naked With Socks On — I’ve been tapped by JET’s EIC to offer up dating advice and perspective for our readers. Five days out of the week I’m slaving behind a desk as JET’s Managing Editor, so I look forward to exploring the sights and sounds of Chicago with my wife as part of our weekly outings. I am Anslem Samuel Rocque and this is Date Knight.


By now everyone has heard about Chris Brown’s publicized breakup with his girlfriend Karrueche Tran. The alleged reason being his rekindled “friendship” with ex Rihanna. While that part of the equation is brow-raising in itself given the former celebrity couple’s domestic-abuse fueled split, Brown decided to release a public statement on his break from Karrueche:

“I have decided to be single to focus on my career. I love Karrueche very much but I don’t want to see her hurt over my friendship with Rihanna. I’d rather be single allowing us to both be happy in our lives.”

At first glance or maybe just in Brown’s mind, the move might seem like a kind gesture to relieve internal turmoil in the relationship it just throws more salt in the fresh wound. Not only are you breaking up with someone but also you’re now sharing that news with the world and putting his ex in the middle of it all. I can imagine Karrueche never being comfortable with Rihanna being in Brown’s life. She’s been dubbed one of the sexiest women alive, is a multi-millionaire pop icon, and is the exes of all exes. It’s enough to give even the most secure of people reason for pause. And when your relationship ends because of this person you’re left with even more feeling of doubt.

Did he ever truly love me? Was our whole relationship a farce? Was he seeing her the whole time? Did he ever get over her? Why her and not me? How can I live with the public embarrassment?  

While Brown often gets a bad wrap, I’m sure he meant well. According to him, he found himself emotionally drawn to two women and rather than live in limbo he decided to cut Karrueche off. But even the most noble of acts tend to sour when it comes to Brown. Around the same time of the breakup he released the following video dubbed “The Real Chris Brown,” in which he confesses his conflicted feelings.

Again, Brown’s decision to publicly air private matters leaves a foul taste in my mouth. I understand that being a celebrity people will pry—especially after pictures and rumors pop up of Brown and Rihanna hanging out over the course of the past week—but there should be more respect for the feelings of the third party, a woman you claim to have feelings for. But we often forget that Brown is still young. That’s not an excuse but at 23-years-old, he has a lot of growing up to do.

But this whole trail of events brings me to the idea of being in love with two people. Some may say it’s a sign of selfishness and a decision has to be made either way. Others will say that there’s no rhyme or reason when it comes to emotions and the heart wants what it wants—even if that means two different people.

Personally, I’m of the train of thought of the latter. It is possible to love more than one person, but the feelings are usually rooted in different emotions. Also, there’s a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. It’s a fine line that many people confuse.

I always say that just because someone is a good catch doesn’t mean you’re the one that’s supposed to catch him or her. So many times people find themselves “loving” people they think they’re supposed to as opposed to who they truly need to be with. This raises questions about what it means to be in love with someone. I love coffee ice cream but I wouldn’t marry it. That also doesn’t stop me from loving chocolate chip ice cream just the same. My point being that it’s possible for me to love both flavors, but that definition of love is quite different than what it means to truly be in love. Perhaps that’s a lesson that Chris Brown has yet to learn or he may have finally decided on his favorite flavor.

Only time will tell.