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Date Knight: Love shouldn’t hurt… or head-butt

Chad Johnson and Evelyn Lozada's July 4 wedding was taped for their VH1 reality show, which has since been canceled. After Johnson's weekend domestic violence arrest, Lozada has filed for divorce, her rep says. /Photo by Mike Colon/LO/Getty Images

As the staff’s resident relationship guru—who’s carved out a space on the web with an award-winning site called Naked With Socks On—I’ve been tapped by JET’s EIC to offer up dating advice and perspective each week for our readers. Five days out of the week I’m slaving behind a desk as JET’s Managing Editor, so I look forward to exploring the sights and sounds of Chicago with my wife as part of our weekly outings. I am Anslem Samuel Rocque and this is Date Knight.

Everyone is abuzz about the recent claims of domestic violence levied against Chad Johnson (formerly known as Chad Ochocinco) by his wife, Evelyn Lozada. Apparently the newlyweds of just over a month got into a heated dispute that resulted in Lozada receiving a gash on her head that she has said was caused by Johnson head butting her.

The specifics of what exactly transpired are still yet to be determined, but in the wake of the accusations Johnson, who makes his living as a professional football player, saw his contract with the Miami Dolphins terminated; the plug was pulled on the couple’s VH1 reality series Ev & Ocho; and his public image was immediately tarnished in the court of public opinion.

In light of the incident, Lozada has begun to take the stance of a domestic violence advocate. However, some have pointed to her own publicly documented history of random acts of violence as the main protagonist on VH1’s Basketball Wives. Despite Lozada’s previous penchant for fisticuffs and Johnson’s lack of the same (although media outlets did pull up a battery charge from 12 years ago); one thing is undisputable: physical abuse in a relationship is not acceptable.

I’ve always been taught that a man should never put his hands (or head) on a woman, but have experienced enough to know that should extend equally to both sexes. That’s not to say that claims of self-defense automatically absolves one of abuse, but everyone should keep their hands to themselves and let cooler heads prevailed.

I’ve been in extremely emotional relationships where things got so heated that the woman I was seeing at the time later confessed that she wanted to mace me and hit me with her car Club. Thankfully, neither happened, but it’s an example of how people that share intimate space can reach a point outside the norm. When I sensed that’s where we were headed I extricated myself from the situation so that things could be hashed out with more level heads.

While it might be too late for Johnson and Lozada, that’s my advice for anyone who finds themselves at the point of getting physical. It’s a line that neither men nor women should ever cross. Unless our lives are literally at risk, I personally so no reason why one adult should put their hands on another. Nothing is ever that serious. If you can’t talk through an issue now, there’s always room to do so later. Using our hands—or heads—to speak for us is a sign of weakness in my opinion. No matter how heated the argument is be the bigger person and walk away so that you can talk another day.

What is your view on domestic violence? Is there ever an instance where it’s okay for someone to hit his or her partner? Or do you have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to physical violence in a relationship?

Speak your piece…