Want to know what's really on his mind? Read on...
By Jazz Keyes
Men are often forced to exist in two worlds, and spend a significant portion of their lives battling between who this world expects them to be and who they naturally are.
No different than us, men deal with a lot of the same emotions fears and insecurities as women. The only difference is men often face a great deal of chastisement when they openly share their feelings, so they have a tendency to withdraw and isolate instead. This ultimately makes communicating in relationships increasingly more difficult.
Recently, I asked a few men to talk about their feelings. I asked them, “If you could tell the honest truth about love and relationships from a man’s perspective, what would you tell women?
Here are a few things I gathered.
1) It’s just not a big deal.
If they could, men would spend their entire lives never having to deal with serious issues. Seeing that we all know that is a far-fetched fantasy, men opt to minimize stress by only making a big deal out of things that they deem “significant.”
So, while you may be livid because for the fifth week in a row he has forgotten to set the trash out or he said he would be home in an hour but lost track of time watching the game with the fellas, he doesn’t see any reason to be upset.
A good man will never intentionally make things harder on you or dismiss your feelings. In fact, he wants to do the opposite. As frustrating as it may be, sometimes taking a moment to explain exactly what you need and why will make a world of difference in the results you get.
2) Sometimes they want to feel special too.
Never underestimate the power of spontaneity and quality time. Text your man and tell him to be ready at 7 p.m. because you have something planned for him! Men need to feel special too. They will never say they want it, but they do. Nothing but good can come from giving your man an evening of the royal treatment.
3) If no one else believes in him, he wants to know you do.
Men aren’t always as confident as they appear. In fact, the women in their lives are often their primary source for support and validation. Take advantage of every opportunity possible to push him and validate him. Let him know that he is capable and you believe in him.
Men have to fight everyday they leave the home, your words and love have the ability to prepare him for another day of battle or weaken his spirit so much so that he becomes an easy target for his enemies.
4) Know that words hurt.
Men would rather deal with physical pain than to take a tongue lashing from an angry woman. Men are emotional, but because they have been taught that sensitivity is a sign of weakness, they bottle it in. Your man has probably replayed something hurtful you said to him over and over in his head a million times. Choose your words carefully.
5) Hug him often.
He doesn’t always want to be a manly man. There are some days he simply needs to lay his head on your chest and be comforted. Show him affection and allow your actions to speak louder than words ever can.
6) They think it’s sexy when we take control.
Your man wants to feel desirable. Men get tired of always having to initiate intimacy; they want their women to take control sometimes. He wants to know that you find him irresistible, so occasionally push him on his back and let him enjoy the ride.
7) Nagging doesn’t work―ever.
Ladies, nagging and aggression is the surest way to frustrate yourself and exhaust your energy. Men admit that they tune us out the moment we start yelling. They hear nothing.
Want something from your man? Kiss it simple. To avoid draining yourself, just get straight to the point. Let them know what the problem is, how to fix it, and when you need it done by.
8) They need time away from home.
Men need their space and if we are honest with ourselves, so do we. There will be times when your man doesn’t want to be underneath you. He just wants to do “men ish” with his friends. This does not mean he doesn’t want to be with your or that he values them more than you, he simply needs some time away to recharge.
9) If you’re not fine, don’t say you are.
He’s not playing dumb; he really doesn’t get it. He has no idea what he did to upset you and the guessing games annoy him. Any man who truly cares for you will put forth his best effort to rectify the situation and make amends, but he can’t fix what he doesn’t know is broken.
10) “Sweatpants, hair tied, chillin’ with no makeup on…”
Men really do appreciate who you are naturally. While he may love when you transform into a sexy diva with your stilettos and matte=painted lipstick, he isn’t lying when he says, he thinks you’re gorgeous with or without all that.
11) He chose you.
Just because a man falls in love doesn’t mean he goes blind. You partner will be physically attracted to other women, and will look in their direction. This doesn’t mean that he will cheat. You are his choice.
12) Sometimes they take us for granted.
There will be times when he forgets to show his appreciation. Admittedly, some men realize that they don’t show their significant other gratitude. It’s OK to let your man know that you are feeling neglected. If he cares, he will change that immediately.
13) There is nothing more glorious than a woman.
“..I wish more women knew that they’re gods and that they’re the reason the world revolves and the sun is able to shine. Women are everything and most of them don’t realize it.” -D. Miller
Any man who finds delight in you being small is a man who is insecure. Strong men understand the power of having a dynamic woman by his side and he feels lifted knowing that even when he is may feel weak, his woman is his backbone.
Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @jazzkeyes.